When it rains men, its pours

Movie I’m watching right now: Love Actually 

A Book I just got done reading: Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Quick recap of the weekend before I get into the real story:

• Walking Dead is back! Woah! What a season premiere!
• Going to lunch with my little brother and his girlfriend tomorrow. Sushi!
• We will be adding another member to the house soon! Frida the Cat!!
• I have stopped crying and finally back on my birth control, so now I’m just very horny and it’s making me sweaty and shit. Also I now have a huge sweet tooth because of it.

StoryTime:

I swear when guys know your dating they come at you all at once. It’s like they don’t know how many people you’re seeing but they pick on this scent and the scent is called, “Hey lets tell Sally how we really feel about her.”

Guy number one: Well he’s been a friend, he comes over a lot. We workshop poems together. There has been on and off flirting a lot! And as my friends put it, every time I perform my poetry he gets a “poetry boner.” This is what I’ve been told from my friends watching the face he makes when I perform. (This has happened to multiple guys and my friend joke to me all the time about it) This one is never going to happen. Lets be real, he’s a nice guy but he’s just a big old flirt and he’s still pretty young. It would never work, nothing beyond a fun make out session.

Guy number two: My friend kind of set us up, he just moved into town recently. We met up at this really fun fall festival of beer thing. Ran around to different bars with him and my friends. Seemed to hit it off and he didn’t jet when I drunkenly spilled about my ex cheating on me. Then he came to my big poetry reading and then we both hung out this last Friday, just watched a movie. I wanted to take it easy, didn’t want to go out. It was nice, he didn’t make a move. Which is a new thing to feel, not having someone try and jump my bones. He’s a nice guy, attractive, runner,  gets along with my friends so far. I just don’t know. He seems young, not to sure how to date or I guess take charge. He’s a very nice guy so we shall see. Plus one negative is he doesn’t really read. But he’s a big movie buff, so that kind of makes up for it, but who am I kidding, it’s a  turn off when someone says they don’t read.

Guy number three: Oh boy, this guy again. So I hooked up with him drunkenly once and to be honest it was always more. I guess more than I even was aware of at the time. Which I should have known by the way he left that night. By the way he kissed me on my forehead, picked me up and place me on the bed and pulled all the blankets on me. But I kind of fucked up. A week later I slept with his friend. Did I know they were that close friends? No. Did I know this would affect him that much? No. This is one of my biggest regrets. (I don’t have many regrets) So we kind of stopped talking, but of course there was a little back and forth flirting, a little texting and then it stopped over the summer with him.

I stopped sleeping around and haven’t since May, because I realized I wanted something more than a one night stand.

Then we started talking again. I think it was the weekend I got back into town.We ran into him and his friends, who happen to be my friends and old roommates. That night as he was leaving my kind of drunk best friend Valerie whispered to him, “You fucked it up.” Which lead him to texting me that night, about how it was nice to see me and we started talking again. That lasted until the end of September and then again nothing.

Now I was aware that a friend of his had just passed away so I only figured he was going through some stuff so I stepped away. (My senior year of high school my speech team went through two very tragic death so I really learned that year that everyone griefs differently.)  And then what seemed like time away turned into me thinking, “well I’ve just faded into the background.”

That was until Saturday morning I woke up to a late night text message.

Two texts: He spilled his guts out about the death of his friend, which was rather tragic and very sad to hear and then the passing of his cousin, which is also very sad to hear. Which lead to him shutting everyone out and I should point he’s been going through stuff. You know, just life changing stuff, that “stuff” we all go through, just getting are shit together and figuring it all out(I’m not going to go into detail)

This lead to his second text, about how he does like me and does want to get to know me. And this is the last part of the second text (Replaced his name with guy) “But before I can do that, I have to sort myself out first. Its only fair. I refuse to give you the guy I am right now. I want to give you the guy I can be.”

I was rather speechless and not sure really what to say.

This one is hard for me. I like him, rather more than my head says I should. But it’s hard not to like him because it’s so easy with him. The talking, the looks, the jokes and he cares on another level. Like he knows my friends approval means a lot to me and how he gets along with them means everything. Sexual knows what he’s doing and he likes biting, which lately has been hard to come by. And more importantly his touch feels different. He’s somebody I want holding me. I’m craving for him.

But will this one ever happen? I’m not very hopefully, because well it’s been easier this past year to not have hope then it is to have hope in dating. Hearts break less.

But maybe I’ll give this one a little bit of hope.

Shit that’s happened and Shit thats continuing to happen

Shit that’s happened and shit that’s going on right now.

-Saturday and Sunday I spent all day judging at a specch and debate tounrament. and I had such a wonderful time! I miss speech, a lot. Of course I’m extermly happy with my poetry and writing too much to go back into speech but I do still miss speech. I always feel so comfortable there, I didn’t feel exactly comfortable at first because I had been away for a year now and haven’t really been couching too, but once I realized I was saying that right things I was like well damn I missed this. I got to judge finals of poetry with one of my roommates and another very good friend/I’ve hooked up with him twice, he’s the “That one night stand I really don’t remember” hmm I guess he’s not a one night stand anymore…

But this weekend was amazing, I judged about 10 rounds, so i was very sleepy Sunday night but it was very worth it. On Saturday afternoon I did jump onto my Mac to write this out:

Today sitting in speech round I realize that maybe I don’t want a relationship right now. Or at least there is no one in this town I’m just dying to have a serious relationship with.  It really hit me today and yes I’ve thought about this before, I’ve felt this, but today I felt is spread throughout my body and I was really happy. Really happy. My poetry is going so wonderfully for me, I’m so caught up with poetry that for once, I want to spend every waking moment enjoying myself, writing, memorizing, writing papers, reading and going to open mics.

-My best friend Valerie told me Sunday night that during the wedding she went to on Saturday, two of her friends asked her how things are going with her girlfriend. (umm awkward because they broke up in March) She tells them this and they seem shocked and then preseed to say, “but we saw you hanging out with her last week, the red head.” Yes, they thought Valerie and I were a couple. We both died laughing about this for about an hour and now make “this is why people think we’re a couple jokes.”

-I found out on Monday that my birth control Loestrin 24 is no longer being manufactured. Cool. But don’t worry the makers of Loestrin 24 FE are pleased to introduce Minastrin 24 Fe CHEWABLE TABLETSAnd then they add Miniastrin 24 Fe is expected to have the same efficacy, safety, and bleeding profile of LOESTRIN 24 Fe.

And I’m like umm EXPECTED! No, I want “WILL HAVE!” I don’t like that word, because Sally needs some sex soon and I don’t need expected anywhere in my sex. 

As I was hearing all about this at the pharmacy and how they may get me switched by tomorrow maybe Wednesday, all I could think it, “wow someone out there in the universe, whether thats God or whatever does not want me to have sex anytime soon.”

Soo….I GET UNIVERSE I STILL WON’T HAVE SEX! I’ll go learn to paint or some shit. 

Which is very difficult because I got kind of  thirsty on Sunday at the speech tournament and it doesn’t help that I forgot how many speeches I’ve hooked up with. Damn….

-Setting up a few poetry shows soon. I’ll have a 45 minute show of just my work. Then I’m setting up a show with poets at a coffee shop, then my friend is setting another open mic up and I’ll be headed to an open mic tonight. Also I’ll be driving with my friend to another performance in two weeks!

-Audition for The Vagina Monologues tomorrow!

-This one guy has been wanting to hang out with me, nice guy, good looking but in honesty I’ve been avoiding hang out. I’m nervous or something. Maybe I’m worried I’ll just end up hooking up, or maybe I just don’t really want to date. Because sometimes I come home and I just want to sleep, working poetry or memorize or sit and watch Tv. But I think I’m going to spend time with him this weekend, so here we go.

-I’m working on a few posts for this blog.

-Virgin Corn Field…Yeah he keeps messaging me late at night, trying to get me to drive and see him. Next time I’m calling him out.

Song of the day: Baby Don’t You Change by Tyrone Wells

Book of the day: Full Frontal Feminism by Jessica Valenti 

The Living Room

A night of light drinking
(No that’s not me in the picture, that’s my other red head friend)

The last few weeks I’ve been spending a lot of time in our living room, it’s my favorite place to work on memorizing my poetry. I got to thinking, I’m going to document my house, because I’m going to be moving out in the spring and I’m so sad. I’ve been living here for two years! I love the spirit and energy of this current house so I thought it would only be fitting to document almost every room in the house. (Don’t worry no bathroom documentation)

Facts about my house:

• I live with four other roommates: One roommate is from the Illinois area and the other three are from California. One is my little brother and one of the Cali kids I went to high school with. Another I ran into a lot during my speech career. These two lovely ladies are Valerie and Tina in my blog.
• We have 5 bedrooms and two and a half baths.

What I do in the living room:

• Watch the TV show River Monsters! (My guilty pleasure) My roommates always know I’m watching River Monsters because you’ll hear me scream, “Oh my God!! Look at that fish! Oh my holy moly!”
• Memorize my poetry
• Watch The Walking Dead! (We upgraded a cable solely for the inattention to watch The Walking Dead)
• I’ll read sometimes in the living room
• Play N64 drinking games and non-drinking games too (I’m not that much of an alcoholic)
• Movie Nights with the Ladies

Pictures of the Living Room: 

This is obviously a shot of the bookcase. Most of my books are upstairs in my room but I was running out of room so some are down here, along with my roommates books. There is also a lovely Beatles poster and an image of the Slut Walks and you can see a few of our lovely plants!

The view from the bookcase area. I know, we always have to move the plant so we can watch Tv. You can see two of the three bikes in this picture and one of Valerie’s paintings. (She’s so talented)

Here you can see the bikes a little better and more of Valerie’s work that’s been put up in the living room.

More plants! We have 6 different plants in the living room. This is to the right of the bookcase. If you notice that Aloe Vera plant has a name tag. That’s from our party, its name is Nelly Furtado. (Don’t worry I’ll have a post in the future about all the plants we have)

If you haven’t noticed we don’t have curtains for this room, we just use the beautiful vines to cover up the windows!

Let me just sit here, just spin here

With the universe hanging around my neck, trickling down spine and out my breath

Spring break this week! Woo! Taking it easy this spring break. Got a lot of cleaning already done and spent my whole weekend sleeping which lead to the most intense vivd dream I’ve ever had. It was so beautiful and breath taking! My mind is finally well rested again and its about time I become spiritually connected again. I’m connecting with the universe once again. I feel so good up and down my soul.

Also I turned my poetry into a local contest last week. So maybe I’ll end up winning something, that would be nice. On that note, I love where my poetry is going at the moment. I’m very excited where my work is going. Writing is becoming more and more a part of myself and I’m falling head over heels with it. I’ve made plans of looking into a MFA programs focusing on poetry. I’m very excited and hoping one day my work will make a difference.

Finally almost done with Eat, Pray, Love! I’m in love with this little book. I just picked it back up again after not reading it for about three months and might I add this was the book I needed for this last weekend and this up coming week. Planning on finishing it up by tonight and going to pick up a new book tonight. By I wanted to talk about a part of the book. Elizabeth Gilbert and a few people she meets in Italy talk about how everything seems to have a word. Like cities and such. They then proceed to talk about what they think their word is. I realized what my word is Resilience. Which is something I hope to get tattooed on my back soon, well Resilience Gene is what I want tattooed on my back and I cannot wait for this tattoo to happen!

I’m looking forward to the changes going on inside of myself and the feelings transforming throughout my body. My spirit is ready for the changes happening.

L’ho provato sulla mia pelle

(I have experienced that on my own skin)

Books

I have started to notice people have such strong opinions over books and poems. And I mean in the terms if a poem is good or bad and if a book is a bad, or just simply put it’s silly and stupid, childish almost.

To start off, yes there are bad books in the world, ok well I dislike with calling any book “bad” and now thinking about it, I don’t think I’ve ever read a bad book. I have read books I pick up and then I put it down right away, but doesn’t mean it’s a bad book, it just simply means I had no connection with the book, it didn’t spark my interest, or simply put I’m not mature enough yet to appreciate the literature.

But I don’t think I’ve ever read through a book and labeled it as “bad.”

I don’t think a book can be bad, be childish, and not be worth reading.

Because to someone else that books means a lot to them, the message that work of literature gives them what they were looking for.

And I think some times we forget to think about the author. Someone put their heart and soul into that poem or that story. As someone who writes myself, I know I put a lot of myself into my stories, or like my friend Tina says, “Sally this story is your diary.” I think it’s extremely important to remember a story or a poem is someones art work and they put a lot of them-self into that story, or poem.

With that being said, I’m starting to dislike it more and more when I’m approach by people who have such strong convictions about a piece of literature. Especially if they haven’t even read the book to begin with. Because who are we to judge what is beautiful? The definition of beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder and for explain, you will look at a road and see nothing, but I will look at a road and it will bring back memories of when I saw my dog get hit by a car when I was seven.

Past experiences set us up, change how we feel and how we see the world, these memories shape are reading experiences. Shape what we like or dislike to spend time on.

Also I’ve become burden with the fact and understanding that people around me simply don’t like to read. And they have no problem telling me this and I really don’t understand this. For someone who has struggled for years with a learning disability, who use to pray to God to help me become a better reader, for someone like me who still struggles with understanding concepts of English, it baffles me when I meet so many people so turned off by reading or with such a small amount of books in their possession. And it baffles me even more when I met another writer, and they seem to know so little about the field, the community they claim to be apart of. Writers who don’t read always remind me of this quote,

“If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others: read a lot and write a lot.”
― Stephen King

And I’m a firm believer you should read everything you can get your hands on, because thats how you learn, how you figure out what you want to write about.

I feel like you can only truly say you’re working at your craft if you taking in everything from it your craft.

It’s really becoming more and more of a turn off for me when people think it interests me how little of a book collection they have or how much they don’t like a certain kind of book, or they consider a book too mainstream, too fuzzy warm or not worth a read. This especially gets more irritating to me when these group of people not only have such a small collection of book, but next to those books they have a large collection of movies next to their nonexistent book collection. Which always reminds me how many of the films lined up in their collection were first a book, a story before they were filmed or drawn out. I think thats so interesting to look at it that way.

These are the moments I feel more and more like we could become a society like in the book Fahrenheit 451. I don’t think it could ever fully happen, because there are far too many writers and crazy English majors out there to let this happen but lets be real, Fahrenheit 451 has happened already a  little bit. It’s easier for me to list the people that read, then the ones that don’t. I think theres about less then 10 of my close friends who read more then two books a year, that aren’t a school mind you.

Maybe you should ask yourself what is your favorite book and if you don’t have one, not a single one, then you should start worrying.

I’ve become an endangered species, a person who likes to read books. Which cracks me up, because at the age of seven I couldn’t even sound out the word “book.”

I guess books and I just need to stick together