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Stress has become a huge player in my everyday life. My mother has always been a very stressed out person and I’m sure I’ve developed some of that stress from growing up around her.

Along with this stress is the terrible pain of my back and neck that has been playing out and its terrible. The amount of medicine I have taken and icy hot on my back has become never-ending and almost placing no effect on making me feel better. My back and neck pain makes everything exhausting and painful. It’s really slowed me down the past few weeks and I’m struggling to keep up.

Friends have become stressful. I love them to pieces but keeping up with everyone’s needs has killed me and stressed me out.

Poetry is always stressful, but I suppose of all the stresses I’m happy and try not to complain about the stresses of writing. More I’m sad my time with my professors is almost over. Of course I have moments of clarity, moments of immense doubt in myself and moments I just want a glass of wine.

But I’m worried because I feel like I’m close to a breaking point, like I’m going to just start crying and freak out. (Great Crazy Sally) I’m trying to prevent this from happening but I’m worried.

Dating stresses me out, more upset at the past, memories I’m ashamed of and the idea that I may never find someone I want to be with. There are plenty that would want to spend their time with me and I’m grateful and flattered but I’m not sure I want any of them. And the more i watch friends find someone and have someone and then the ideas of family members will die, my parents one day will be gone and it will be just me. It really puts everything into perspective the whole meaning behind lovely yourself, because everyday it really is just you. Yes you have friends, family, co-workers and peers but (ok this sounds morbid) but they’re going to die (you’re going to die) or you’ll lose touch with people, realize you no longer work. So its morbid weird thing I’ve been thinking about. Really understanding what loving yourself means.

I think this is where loneliness comes from.

When you have no one. I think this is why many pair off into mates, because it’s no fun feeling lonely and there’s the added plus of kids and passing on a bit of yourself.

Each night I fall asleep and whisper, “I am in love with myself.”

Each day I become more unsure if I ever will find someone who will match up with me, or if I will ever want to match up with someone. For all I know I do with so many but have turned them away because of this gut sick feeling I have towards dating right now. I almost feel sick and don’t want anymore to touch me. To be honest I’m a bit worried what this all means. I hope some of it comes from strength.

I’m pushing the hot showers, the chocolate, watching TV shows, getting more normal sleep than I normally get, like for example its 1:30am and after I post this I’m going to pass out and wake up at 9am. Normally I don’t fall asleep until 3am. I think the sleep and candy is keeping the break down at bay. I’m worried the neck pain is going to push the break down out in the open.

Just need to continue the deep breathing and wine.

And food…lots of food.

Also masturbating here and there. Like I shit you not I was in the middle of writing a paper, got horny, masturbated and then went back to writing.

This is my Life.

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Filed under Back and Neck Pain, Confessions, Dating, Death, Drinking, Family, FML, FOOD, Friends, Help, Hope, Life, Love, poetry, school, stressed out, Struggles, thoughts, universe, WTF?

Dirty Things



Remember that time during my blog posts where I use to write a lot about sex, men I’m having sex with and the dirty stories about my weekend?

Yeah, I don’t remember either as I’m about to yet again talk about my burning loins desire for pancakes and yet again how much I enjoy masturbation.

Tonight at midnight as I was laying in bed looking up more journal submissions (I’ve sent 15 in the last two weeks) I wanted ice cream and I realized I had Klondike bar. So I proceeded to say aloud and alone in my bedroom, “What would I do for a Klondike bar? Answer: Get out of bed and put pants on.

Masturbation has become a weekly thing more than how it’s normally been the past months. I’m at that stage of no sex, the I need a regular “something” going on. Now I’m actually not complaining about this whole no sex issue. I’m actually having a wonderful time. I forgot how much more wonderful orgasm’s can be masturbating alone.

Also I’m far too busy with poetry, school and the stresses those two bring on to be worried about sex or in a relationship for that matter. It’s freeing to not want or need someone else and to be honest I’ve never felt that before now.

Oh on other news I’ve won another award for my poetry! Oh yeah, the same award I won last year on campus. That was a lovely piece of information to hear. I only wish I wasn’t so stressed about school to enjoy it more.

Like I said I have also sent out my poems to a bunch of journals so fingers crossed a few poems stick and find a home! I’m feeling good and have a good feeling that a few will get published.

So sex may not be on top of my list and dating has been crossed out right now but I have poetry, my friends and some wonderful energy floating around me.

Believe me I much rather have the poetry right now than any man.

Sorry fellas!

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Filed under Alignment:, Being a woman, Dating, FOOD, funny, good energy, poetry, Really Sally? SingleGirlProblems, sex, single girl problems, universe

Yeah…this dry spell is a mess and full of food

Yesterday my three roommates and I drove 45 minutes to a different town to get our hands on:

  1. Jamba Juice
  2. Krispy Kreme Donuts
  3. Sweet Potato Tots <– These were just a plus and weren’t planned until we got into town.

For anyone that lives out in the “middle of no where midwest” you understand the need to venture out and find other kinds of food. Especially when my roommates and I are all from California, where everything you ever wanted is everywhere.

Food tends to be the center of my universe. I’m going to be making a poetry performance trip in April and the first thing I told my roommate was, “I’m going to look up what kind of food they have there.”

Also we are planning a road trip for May and June and the majority of planned out events involve food.

This is my life.

Also for many of my readers of this outrageous blog, I haven’t had sex as of recent. Actually I haven’t sense November. So I so how went on a celibate binge without my knowledge.

Or as my dear friend told me, “Your celibacy is bumming all of out.” And apparently my poetry is missing the nasty like it once had. But I’m sure I still sneak that shit in there a lot.

But last night really confirmed my need to get laid.

Valerie and I stayed up until 2am watching The Voice in our blanket fort we made for the living room, that’s now been up for a week and some days. One Usher makes our loins burn, that was until Usher reminded Valerie of this guy she dated for a while. Still Usher is yummy yum.

Then this guy comes on The Voice and sings and I’m sure Valerie and I both had mini orgasm’s


The conversation as he sang-

Valerie: imagine having sex with him

Me: imagine him taking off your clothes and singing

Valerie:  ahhh don’t say that! I’m going crazy!!


Yeah…we need to get laid and badly…very badly.


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Filed under Being a woman, Confessions, FOOD, funny, Really Sally? SingleGirlProblems, sex, single girl problems, Struggles

I need to get laid. (Yep…I need some sex in my life)


This is the first time I’m sitting down to watch the Super Bowl. I’m 24 and I’ve never done this before. I feel so America!

I’m even making these Mac and Cheese cups! Which for anyone that has figured me out, “I hate cooking.” To the point I feel like I need to add that a first date now. “Oh yeah I love movies, reading and I’m not a fan of cooking.” Like if he wants out because I’m not the little lady in the kitchen making a roast.

Which is shame in the sense that I love food but I have no patience for cooking.

But today I’m in a good mood for cooking. AND SUPER BOWL! Which will be me drinking and eating and then heading over to my writers workshop half way through the Super Bowl.

Coffee of the day: Earl grey Latte. Which just makes me think of  Mary and Max


So I’m just going to put it out there now: I NEED TO GET LAID!

God my body is dying…I see people making out in movies or fooling around and I get horny. It’s like low-grade porn. But I think I’ve set my eyes on a guy right now. We’ve talked before and when I wanted a relationship I stopped talking to him but we always get thrown into seeing each other and now I just want some sex so I’ve made up my mind and once I’ve set my mind on something I’m going to have sex with it (it being a guys) Damn I need some sex.

And I feel bad for this other guy I went on a few dates with but I wasn’t feeling any physical heat and I hadn’t even kissed him yet. Just through hugging him I felt like it was weak. Sorry dude but you make me feel more frustrated than wanting to kiss you.

I feel like a horny sixteen year old boy.

(Time to clean my room and shave)

On another note, if we can even move on from that thought I started to someone again. A friend, always been a friend and we’ve known each other for years and I fear he may read this so I’m going to be vague here. But I think I’m developing a crush on him.

I also find it odd that we are talking this much. Makes me wonder what he’s up to and that maybe he’s feeling the same way.

I would hope maybe something could come of this once I’m back home from school this spring. (We shall see)

Until then I need me some….some sex. Just no strings attached sex. Gosh I should just hold up a sign and make a Tinder account.

Here we go. And I need to masturbate a lot today to get through the day.

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Filed under Causal, Dating, FOOD, school, sex, single girl problems

It hurts to move my jaw….how will I give blow jobs now? AHHHH!


Tonight while I was trying to enjoy my soup and pizza Valerie made I noticed my jaw started to really hurt when I tried to open my mouth really wide. After awhile I started to notice my side of my jaw was really hurting. This really sucks. I’ve had years of jaw pain. It’s never as bad as this feels in the moment. Now I will admit after years of blow jobs I’ve noticed more and more the pain I experience from giving them can be very bad, especially when a blow job takes centuries.

Which is also unfortunate because I enjoy giving blow jobs and I’m well aware that I’m good a giving blow jobs.

Also I love food. I love to chew food.

This jaw pain is killing me…

Lets hope I don’t have to go see a doctor. That’s all I need more mouth surgery. Plus what would I say? “Hey doc. can you patch me up so I can get back to what I do best?” Or “yeah I know doctor…I’ve given too many blow jobs. I’ll stop to save the jaw. Can I get a doctor’s note?”

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Filed under about me, Dating, FOOD, Really Sally? SingleGirlProblems, sex, single girl problems, This would happen to me (funny), thoughts, universe, WTF?

Dear New Years Kiss….I hope you’re the best piece of cheesecake I’ve ever eaten


It’s that time again….the New Year is upon us, or New Years Eve is to be exact.

Here I am. In my underwear, eating pizza, a stick of cheese and watching Grey’s Anatomy. What more kind a girl want after Monday night drinks. Shout out to finally hanging out with a good friend! Don’t worry you won’t be named the professor on my blog. (insert laugh out loud moment)

Now a lot had happened this year….I’ve been naked more times than I care to count but hey!! LETS FUCKING COUNT!

  1. Peeta: He looked like the guy from the Hunger Games and was too scared to tell me he wanted things to end. hahaha MESS! He was ok making out with, decent at other stuff.
  2. The Awkward Upside Down Turtle: Haven’t written about him yet, but this was a brief and very short encounter. That ended solely because it was too awkward and nothing was clicking. Sexually or emotionally. Which are both huge components for me.
  3. That one time I made out and other stuff with a friend: Yeah…..not the best idea. Nice guy, cool but he’s stuck in life and also a sloppy kisser.
  4. Dumb-ass runner: We saw each other for a good few months, this is the asshole guy. He’s a nice guy and everything, just stupid as shit. Kissing was pretty good. Just took a bit of time and that’s the same with sex. But damn…..we had sex twice a day for three months!! I shit you not…we may miss one day out of those three months. Lots of me upside down and my red handcuffs.
  5. Oh yeah….that huge asshole who was the most sexist, full of himself dude: Now I will admit he was good-looking, but shit on a pine corn, NO ONE IS THAT GOOD LOOKING. He was a dick and then some! Glad I ended that. Man was he pissed….that asshole. Learn how to treat a women and then never speak to me again.
  6. Bahaha remember that time my old ex from High school tried to hook up with me….hahaha and then he tried to act sexy by telling me he did nose candy.
  7. Brusier: I did like you and drunk sex on Easter was great and a really funny story. Yet I’m glad it never worked out though. You’re a good guy, but not for me.
  8. Virgin Corn Field: Gosh I almost forgot about you! Ha! You seemed like the whole package, then I actually hung out with you.
  9. The one that wanted to be a fuck buddy: Ugh….such an ass and creepy.
  10. The fuck buddy: Yeah….this fuck buddy is ending now. I’m done with that train. So move out of my station please! I needs me a new train to pull in.
  11. Remember that time I fooled around with the Spaniard: hahaha omg yeah!
  12. The one’s name that rhymes with Dick: Yeah…thanks for letting me know you’re engaged.

Wow….that was a lot of Penis.

Song of the year: Leave me Here by Hem

Movie of the year: (the one’s I watched waaay too much): A Tie between watching Return of the King too much and Dark Knight Rises. New movie I saw that I enjoyed: Some Like it Hot

Quotation of the Year:

 “I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.”Elizabeth Gilbert

Book of the Year: Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

Poetry Book of the Year: Words for Empty and Words for Full by Bob Hicok 

Mess of the Year Moment: When I woke up in the wrong bed after a hook-up. Always fun to wake up in their roommates bed….I suppose.

Numbers of 2013:

  • Only threw up three times after drinking this year and I kind of remember one of the time and it was pretty clean and quick in the bathroom before I passed out.
  • Five times I was told I was caught drunkenly talking to objects
  • Six times I got stuck on a door, the stairs railing, or some other object
  • Probably Twenty time I’m sure I said I wasn’t going to drink much and I ended up drinking a lot!
  • Four one-night-stands in the year 2013
  • I’ve let go of two really great friendships in 2013

In 2013 I lost my kitty Cat Rosie. The last of my childhood pets. I will miss her dearly.

New Years Resolution:

I think having New Years Resolutions are total bullshit and five chicken pies! They always end up being about working out, finding love, or writing in a journal. Half that shit should be an everyday thought.

Resolutions should be like:

  • I’m going to eat the shot out of some cake
  • Watch Breaking Bad naked
  • Sing the entire Highway to Hell album in the shower

The word Resolution is such a firm, eck word.

I prefer to think of every thing I do in my life as something I’ve been planning all a long. I don’t have resolutions, but there’s some shit I would like to make happen:

  • For my heart to beat heavy when someone kisses me
  • To make this Oreo cake son of a bitch
  • I will not drunk download anymore shitty music on iTunes
  • Have sushi with my brother this weekend
  • Get my book published
  • Stop googling the men I’m dating
  • Get published in Rattle
  • Maybe have a dinner date where food doesn’t end up in my hair
  • You know how like guys shave their beards all fun ways and then shave it all off. Well I want to do that! But with the downstairs
  • Check off some of my sex bucket list

2014! Lets do this!

This is going to be the year of poetry shows, manuscripts that make me cry and eat food, wine, beer, books, enjoying my last class with my favorite professor and getting ready to start the rest of my life.

I’m going to be a speed limit this year (Turning 25) But I’ll be speeding around with my red hair, probably naked and eating too much cheese and fries.

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Exhausted and getting my ass kicked (And not in the way I would want)

^That title is my failed sexual pun.

Man, I failed at life today! The bad jokes, cutting my foot shaving (I have hobbit feet, they gots to be shaved!) to dropping my apple mid bit as I was walking to class and yelling out loud, “ahhh man!” girl walking by me laughing. Then bringing the wrong book to class. Then hitting my toe on the stairs and a series of more terrible jokes.

(I wasn’t upset about any of these things, it was actually all pretty funny)

I’m so exhausted tonight!

From the three papers, getting my chapbook into my professor for my independent study, working and working on submissions and of course finally memorizing and more memorizing for this Thursday poetry performance, where I’ll be featured!

I’m so exhausted and now I’m planning on a 45 minute performance on my own schools campus, in their art series, which may happen within a weeks time. Of course I have more papers due within these two weeks and submission deadlines are about to come up. And I’m editing now for my schools journal.

I haven’t been this exhausted since, well coaching a year ago. Normally I don’t need a lot of sleep or rest but damn….my ass is getting kicked and I’m feeling it tonight.

But awesome news for next year! In Feb. I’ll be touring from Feb. 17th-20th through Kansas, two schools in Nebraska and then Iowa. That’s going to be one hell of a sick week! I cannot wait!

Damn I’m craving a milk shake and a burger right now! That’s it! I’m getting myself a burger and fries and an awesome milk shake on Friday! OMG! I can’t wait!

I want this burger so bad that I would give up hot hot sex, with a naked bearded man holding a very yummy dark beer. I know the whole bearded man thing may not sound like a big deal but believe me my friends know how badly beards make me hot! So to give that up for a burger….THIS IS HUGE PEOPLE!!

Wow…this post went from one conversation about poetry and writing to food.

As it should.

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Filed under FOOD, Life, my writing, poetry, thoughts