I’m that friend. The woman in the group whose’s stereotyped into, her career comes first, her life comes first. Finding a man, having kids is not happening anytime soon.
I hate this stereotype. I feel like society sets this up and I feel like I let it happen. I let it affect me and I feel like most women in my shoes do the same as well.
We feel guilty, alone and like we don’t belong at times. Like we’ve been branded an outside.
Just because I don’t want a boyfriend in this moment doesn’t mean I don’t get lonely. I don’t sit in my room and miss having someone there with me. But there’s also that voice in my head that reminds me I’m too busy to give someone everything they want and relationships a year ago were an addiction, the way I tried getting over the past and those who’ve hurt me.
So yes I’m taking my time, yes I’m not looking for anything serious.
Do I still feel out-of-place? Most of the time. Do I worry everyone will pair up, family will pass away and I will be wishing I had someone? Yes everyday. But I try not to think about. That’s all I can really do. Wait for that right person to enter my life, even if I’m not sure if that will really ever happen.
Would it be sad if I never found the one? A little. But I can say at this point in my life I’m a strong woman. I love my life, I love my poetry, I love the idea of my future and I couldn’t be happier.
Here’s to being single, people judging me, giving them the bird and mouthing, “fuck you.”
Last night and tonight I have been celebrating getting published a second time (two poems) as well as winning American Poets prize at my college. So lots of drinks and one step closer to being done with my undergrad.
I’m not sure what I’m going to do after graduation. Sure I’ll be working back at my old high school as a speech coach. But damn I’m dying for the idea of MFA. Then I’m worried and nervous about the idea because everyone makes the idea so insane and difficult. I’m not sure if I’m meant for it. But deep down I’m craving for the idea of it.
We shall see.
Dating is well non-exist and I like it to be that.
This one younger guy in town likes me and has been speaking to me but he’s all over the place. Drinks a lot, doesn’t have friends, play video games and plays these weird ass games. He’s a mature person in moments and then a young immature child a lot of the time. I was thinking about having a quick roll in the hay but the more I think about it the more I’m like ehh. For example he likes to pull this stunt of, “well I won’t contact you until you talk to me first.”
And I’m like are we in middle school again? Plus I think its insulting to me as a person to feel the need to play games with me. Also he needs to learn to groom his beard too.
At this point these little things are just not ok anymore and I want more. I deserve more than games, pride and lack of maturity.
Each night as I’m falling in sleep I whisper in between the eyes no longer staying open and the breathing settling down I say aloud, “I’m falling in love with myself.”
I don’t want anymore and I’m very content. But I know this will not make a few people very happy that I feel this way but those who don’t understand are men I shouldn’t be with.
I’m so restless at the moment. I need to stretch, shake off the molting and expand my wings.
I did one of these awhile ago. I will admit these can be rather trivial, silly and a bit sexist in certain aspects but sometimes a girl just has to set a few rules and expectations.
For most of my young adult, which hasn’t been that long yet I have been silly with the qualities I’m looking for in a man, until recently when I was like, “UGH I”M SICK OF ALL THIS!” (I will purpose the sexist cliché idea that I am bitter and on my period right now.”
(These are blunt, honest and I’m not sorry)
- No drugs. I’m over the pot smoking, ecstasy and lines of “nose candy” bullshit. You once smoked, fine I don’t care and understand I have a terrible addiction to Dr. Pepper and the TV Show Grey’s Anatomy. We will have our vices, but I’m over dealing with men that use substances to create art, to have fun or to basically get through the day.
- Drinking too much. Look I’m a fun gal, I get drunk, I enjoy it, shit I write everyday and sometimes a glass of wine is needed. But hearing someone is drinking everyday, three beers a day. I’m sorry but its a turn off. I don’t need to get drunk twice a week. Shit barley once a month to have the craving of, “I wanna get wasted.”
- Using the word “Ghetto.” I’m over it and done.
- Not supporting my right of choice. Look if you don’t believe in it, fine that’s your freedom but don’t expect to date me.
- Grammar correction. Over it. I get it you notice when people have spelling mistakes or grammar issues. You need to get a life and worry about your own language and the lack of quality within it.
- A man who enjoys cooking, because I’m going to blunt and honest. I don’t cook and I don’t have the patience for it. So it would be lovely to date a man who enjoys cooking.
- Has a car: for too long have a been the one in the relationship driving us everywhere
- Who will pay for dinner. Look I’ll buy too but for too long have I been the sole provider of meals. Over it.
- Dresses like their age.
- No racist, sexist, homophobic comments
- I hate “no homo”
- Calling another women a bitch, slut, the over million derogatory terms is not ok. If you think about other women like that then how should I expect you to picture me or women in my life.
- Saying things about me like, too fat, too thin. I’m tired of the too much or the not enough.
- If they are in love with an art form, oh gosh that be lovely. I haven’t date many artists. More the frat boys, the runners and a few choir boys.
- I love when someone has future goals and aspirations but whats more attractive is when someone actually achieves their dreams and goals. I’ve dated too many men that have spat on about “going back to school” “getting that place to live” blah blah blah Stop talking and go out and get what you want.
- I hate, I HATE when a guy asks me why all my poetry is so angry. Gosh that’s so rude.
- Have a passion and love it to pieces
- Don’t dislike the TV show Friends. Regardless if you’re a fan or not. It’s such a red flag when you have such a hate for it. What did the TV ever do to you? Oh that’s right you must not have a soul.
- Turn off #1 when a guy says, “I hate books.” I’m fine if you’re not a fan but if you can’t tell me one book you enjoyed reading, like Harry Potter even…then we have a problem!
- When men post pictures of naked women on their Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr or anywhere! Ugh I hate it. Nasty.
- Not having a career
- Too much video game playing. I don’t mind the video game playing here and there but when that’s all you do…I’m sorry just not going to work for me.
- They have their own set of friends and spend time with them. I think of it as a red flag when a guy really just goes to work, home and well that’s it. They have no one else in their life.
- Talking down to me
- Acting like you are Gods gift to art, ugh I know a few of these boys in my workshops *yuck*
- When men use the phrase “ugh i hate academia” First of all if you’re using academia you are in academia. And whats wrong with the pursuit of education, but that’s going to be another post
- Don’t tell me you’re not good enough for me, because I’ll realize, “hmm you’re right…see yea!”
Ok this is all I could think of and I’m not as bitter not that I have had wine and ice cream but I’ll think of more!
Twice tonight two men have hit me up for a good old-time.
Men I have had hook ups with before.
And twice have I said, “No I can’t. I have a paper to work on.”
I haven’t had sex since May! MAY MAAAAAAAAYYY And I said no.
I’m either stupid, accidentally drunk and I’m not thinking, I’m masturbating too much or I have been eating too much cake or I’m just I don’t know…AHHH
I think someone should give me a medal. AND GOD! YEAH! I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME! YOU OWE ME!
Get yourself together because I want to have sex with you and you’re killing me! Killing me!
I had to post this up, it’s not every night at 3am not just one guy but two and a kind of third hit you up.