Tag Archives: this is my life

Yeah…this dry spell is a mess and full of food

Yesterday my three roommates and I drove 45 minutes to a different town to get our hands on:

  1. Jamba Juice
  2. Krispy Kreme Donuts
  3. Sweet Potato Tots <– These were just a plus and weren’t planned until we got into town.

For anyone that lives out in the “middle of no where midwest” you understand the need to venture out and find other kinds of food. Especially when my roommates and I are all from California, where everything you ever wanted is everywhere.

Food tends to be the center of my universe. I’m going to be making a poetry performance trip in April and the first thing I told my roommate was, “I’m going to look up what kind of food they have there.”

Also we are planning a road trip for May and June and the majority of planned out events involve food.

This is my life.

Also for many of my readers of this outrageous blog, I haven’t had sex as of recent. Actually I haven’t sense November. So I so how went on a celibate binge without my knowledge.

Or as my dear friend told me, “Your celibacy is bumming all of out.” And apparently my poetry is missing the nasty like it once had. But I’m sure I still sneak that shit in there a lot.

But last night really confirmed my need to get laid.

Valerie and I stayed up until 2am watching The Voice in our blanket fort we made for the living room, that’s now been up for a week and some days. One Usher makes our loins burn, that was until Usher reminded Valerie of this guy she dated for a while. Still Usher is yummy yum.

Then this guy comes on The Voice and sings and I’m sure Valerie and I both had mini orgasm’s

 

The conversation as he sang-

Valerie: imagine having sex with him

Me: imagine him taking off your clothes and singing

Valerie:  ahhh don’t say that! I’m going crazy!!

 

Yeah…we need to get laid and badly…very badly.

 

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Filed under Being a woman, Confessions, FOOD, funny, Really Sally? SingleGirlProblems, sex, single girl problems, Struggles

Gosh, I can be such a mess

Today was beyond hilarious and showed everyone how much I’m a mess of red hair running around.

First I woke up early today to go to the gym and I thought to myself at 8am, I’m going to sleep in a bit longer but I though hey I’ll go on Facebook for a few minutes and then sleep a bit longer. But I forgot last night I decided to be a grown up (kind of) and log out of not only all my emails but my social media sites as well. At 8am trying to remember one of my millions of passwords was a struggle.

Problem 1: Forgot Facebook Password

Problem 2: I Forgot my yahoo password which is the recovery account

Problem 3: Can’t access the recovery email for yahoo but to be honest I don’t even remember that old email.

Problem 4: So next step was to use a new email-used my college email-didn’t send to my email right away and Facebook tells me I should wait 30 minutes so I figure ok i’ll nap for an hour and see when I wake up

Problem 5: Still nothing, so I try another email…still nothing

Problem 6: Try my phone number, but I don’t have a smart phone. Oh don’t worry I tried to send the link to my email, but when i did that it told me I have to use the link through my phone.

So I can’t get on Facebook and I think to myself ok that’s not all that bad.

Problem 7: OMG MY SPOTIFY! I need that for when I’m working on poetry.

So I made myself a new spotify account.

*THIS IS MY LIFE**

Also I went to my poetry workshop today and I’m sitting in there with one of my peers and we are chatting and having a good time being in class earlier and I look down at my shirt and I realize: “Damn, my shirt is inside out.”

Shit.

This was my day all day!

 

 

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Filed under about me, FML, funny, This would happen to me (funny)

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead walk into a bar

Saturday was one of the most refreshing nights I’ve had in a while. Especially since this night almost didn’t even happen.

I was rather stressed on Saturday and after a weeks worth of life choices ranging from naked in the wrong bed, hang over Wednesday and having to let go of a guy I thought could have been something more than just friends.

From crying in the shower, to still being drunk at 8am on Wednesday it was definitely hell last week. Saturday night going out didn’t seem like the best of ideas, especially with all the poetry I have to memorize and papers I feel behind in.

My friend Alicia invited me to go out to this bar, let call it “Navy Blue.” At first I said, “no, I’m working on a bunch of stuff.” Then some divine feeling, or maybe I was just thirsty ripped to me and I text her back, ‘you know what, yeah come pick me up.” After drinking with Alicia and three other couples, Valerie finally arrived. “THANK GOD!” Too many couples. You know those couples that all just want to hold each other and buy each other drinks and talk about couple things, so when you throw in a “guess who I spelt with this week!?” Then they just stare at you.

Now I told Alicia I was only going out to Navy Blue for drinks but the rest of the group was planning on going out to this “Irish bar.” Again this “spirit” deep down inside me was like, “ahh, Fuck it…LETS go!”

For the majority of the night sitting at this large table you could see the three couples and then to the right, “the single bitches.” Proudly objecting the men who decided to come into the bar in power ranger costumes, “dat ass!” Fast forward a few hours, Alicia catches her eyes on a very good-looking guy. Valerie, Alicia and I are a very bad combination drinking and horny as shit. We walk by them to get drinks and I’m not going to go into detail about the secret skills it takes to get a guy attention.

Oh wait….we’re good looking…..so it took nothing….I just had to flip my red hair and smile.

Two free drinks later we are joking with this creepy old man at the bar who happens to have two belly buttons! His name is Horseshoe. I shit you not and he told my friend Alicia that, “her cleavage looks like a midget’s butt crack.”

Eventually these three good-looking guys, who are very tall (that’s important during these economic times) invited us back to their house. We went, because why the fuck not. Of course Valerie made me promise we must all go home together.

These three guys names shall be: “He likes to party,” “Batman” and “In my pants.”

So after a game of Cards Against Humanity and King’s cup.

During King’s cup Alicia decides its best to make the rule that at the end of every sentence you have to end, “In my pants.” Of course I’m very drunkenly entertained by this, so is this good-looking guy who makes a point to move next to me. Eventually people step out of the room long enough that we make out and I end up on top of him making out. “Hot,HOT,HOT” ALL THAT IS GREEN ON EARTH I SHOULDN”T HAVE STOPPED HAVING SEX!”

Finally its time to go, it’s 3am and I have to be somewhere by 7am. We all exchange numbers and head home. Of course In my pants guys and I text till 4am and then I passed out. Next day we text a lot, he makes it very clear he wants to see me again. I definitely do, even if this just ends up being a hook-up.

Then like every great moment I’ve been having these past few weeks, reality comes crashing in. Now I cannot confirm and deny this, but for what I’ve gathered. In my pants guy may not only have a girlfriends but they are engaged! Now from the information I have I could be %100 off, but I don’t know if I’m wrong or right. I have a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Valerie asked me what I’m going to do and I told her I’m going to do what I never got. I’m going to back away, I didn’t know and now I do, so I’m not going to add more damage to a relationship that’s obviously not working out anymore. That’s their mess, not mine and I don’t want to dive deeper into the pain that will eventually surface.

And of course I never want to be the other women.

I must confess though, it’s hard to not want to text him and just hook up with him. I will always have that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. That, “someone did this to me so why not?”

I also wonder if this is the universe testing me, like what would I do if the roles were resivse. Wondering if I would keep to my word and feelings towards cheating. I believe this was a lesson and test the universe was putting me through. Or maybe I’m saying this to make myself feel better about when i was cheated on twice, by two different guys.

of course I never would cheat or be involved in cheating. I went through far too much and I still deal with that betrayal. For the rest of my life my ex-boyfriend cheating on me will forever be a deep scar that I will carry around and I don’t want to know I ever caused others pain. So I will back away, especially until I find out the truth.

I’m not going to lie though. I’m pretty bummed. I thought I was finally getting somewhere in dating. So now I just want to give up on dating and become pie.

Unknown

Life would be easier to just be pie.

I’m going to admit it here if it’s not already crystal clear. I want a relationship. More than the drunk sex, the confused back and forth guys and the ones in relationships or the ones who can’t let go. I want a best friend again. It’s been so long since I’ve had someone I was in a inmate relationship with someone who was my best friend.

I’m slowly giving up on finding someone. I’m beginning to come to the terms more and more each day that maybe I was never really meant to meet someone, be with someone and fall in love in the ways I have day dreamed about for years.

Because as of right now, no man “boy” can handle being with a woman like me.

So I’ll just eat some pie.

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Filed under Confessions, Ex-boyfriends, Friends, Really Sally? SingleGirlProblems, single girl problems, This would happen to me (funny), thoughts, trust, universe, WTF?

I better get some damn good ass Karma after turning down sex twice

Twice tonight two men have hit me up for a good old-time.

Men I have had hook ups with before.

And twice have I said, “No I can’t. I have a paper to work on.”

I haven’t had sex since May! MAY MAAAAAAAAYYY And I said no.

I’m either stupid, accidentally drunk and I’m not thinking, I’m masturbating too much or I have been eating too much cake or I’m just I don’t know…AHHH

I think someone should give me a medal. AND GOD! YEAH! I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME! YOU OWE ME!

Dear Bruiser,

Get yourself together because I want to have sex with you and you’re killing me! Killing me!

I had to post this up, it’s not every night at 3am not just one guy but two and a kind of third hit you up.

AHHH SEX!

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Filed under Confessions, FML, Really Sally? SingleGirlProblems, school, sex, single girl problems, Struggles, This would happen to me (funny), WTF?