I am exhausted.
By the series of actions, words and events men have placed upon my heart. The cheesy lines, the declaring of how amazingly beautiful, smart and strong I am. And the ever popular activity that’s been happen to me far too often the last year, just disappearing altogether without so much as a goodbye.
And I have become exhausted, drying out, bent over below shower heads.
At the end of the day I’m hurt. I’m always on the rim of giving up on finding the moments of someone who is ready to not disappoint me. To be honest after this week and if this night ends where I believe its going I think I’m ready to cleanse myself. You know what, I’m going to cleanse myself this weekend and really consider no dating for a while because this body is about to give way, about to fall to the floor.
I don’t know how much of this I can handle.
But I get it. I’m beautiful, I’m strong, a gifted, talented woman. I’m just not the one for you.
I’m glad we have made this clear time and time again. And I’m glad to hope that someday I will thank God I didn’t end up with your dumb ass.
Until then my heart is exhausted and filled up to the brim and I’m not sure how much more I can carry at this moment before everything spills over.
This is my routine the steps of becoming heart-broken too many times. Letting others affect me and letting them get away with it.
This is the routine I have become. The beautiful girl, super cool, talented, a sweetheart. Just not enough for someone to want to spend their time on. Or perhaps I’m too much….this is what I tell myself.
The routine of the inner monologue I play through the day, “I’m too strong and they all just can’t handle this love.”