Tag Archives: my writing

Remember where you came from

I suppose this will be my 100th post once I click on the publish button. Not like I’m one to care about certain little milestones (which is both true and a lie) But after I posted my 99th post and whenever I’ve been upset about something or someone and I start thinking about a post I stop myself.  I didn’t want my 100th post to be angry or full of negative energy.

Last year I went through one of the most tragic experiences of my life. Being cheated on by my boyfriend of almost four years was life changing. I not only lost someone I loved very dearly, but I lost my co-worker, my best friend, I lost someone I had grown with and I’ve lost someone that’s still living.

I know what you must be thinking, cheating happens and its rough, sucks ball and never ends well. Then of course you’ll tell me there are far worse events happening around the world. And this is true, but that doesn’t mean this pain I’ve been going through, this loss isn’t real to me. Along with this intense pain I’ve learned I am someone who wears my love on my sleeves, I’m quick to fall for someone and I give all of myself. This does mean I hurt often but I like to think about this section of Andrea Gibson poem, “Royal Hearts.”

Just to be clear
I don’t want to get out
without a broken heart.
I intend to leave this life
so shattered
there’s gonna have to be
a thousand separate heavens
for all of my separate parts.

  • September 2012 I walked into my first creative writing class [207]
  • October 2012 I began this blog
  • December 2012 I turned in my first set of poems

And January of 2013 I walked into a poetry workshop that was going to change my life forever.

  • April 2013 I got my first poem published
  • September 2013 I toured for the first time
  • October 2013 I performed at my first feature
  • November I helped put together a poetry event

It’s hard to not sit here and cry right now looking at all I’ve accomplished. This is a long time coming for me. Of nights as a little kid crying in my bedroom, looking out the window and asking God, “Please make me like everyone else…I don’t want this disability.”

Here I am. On the track to graduate college, publishing poems, coaching high school students and reading books I use to dream about when I was a little kid in the bookstore.

I am so thankful God never listened to those cries. Even though I’m still rather mad and frustrated about all this sometimes. I’m starting to believe certain things/events happen for a reason and everything comes together at the end of the day to teach you a lesson or throw you into the next moment in life. (But I’m not going to get into that in this post)

I’ve come a long way from that little girl in elementary school sitting at a big round table in the back of dusty library with a popsicle on my tongue to teach my body to sound out the words I must have never been born with.

This is what my 100th post is about, the moments of firsts, the moments I cried and the time I sat down in a chair and found poetry. I’m not sure if I’m gifted or talented even, but I do know I’m happy.

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Filed under about me, Life, my writing, poetry, school, Struggles, Thankful, thoughts, trust, universe, Words

Let me just sit here, just spin here

With the universe hanging around my neck, trickling down spine and out my breath

The universe around my neck

Spring break this week! Woo! Taking it easy this spring break. Got a lot of cleaning already done and spent my whole weekend sleeping which lead to the most intense vivd dream I’ve ever had. It was so beautiful and breath taking! My mind is finally well rested again and its about time I become spiritually connected again. I’m connecting with the universe once again. I feel so good up and down my soul.

Also I turned my poetry into a local contest last week. So maybe I’ll end up winning something, that would be nice. On that note, I love where my poetry is going at the moment. I’m very excited where my work is going. Writing is becoming more and more a part of myself and I’m falling head over heels with it. I’ve made plans of looking into a MFA programs focusing on poetry. I’m very excited and hoping one day my work will make a difference.

Finally almost done with Eat, Pray, Love! I’m in love with this little book. I just picked it back up again after not reading it for about three months and might I add this was the book I needed for this last weekend and this up coming week. Planning on finishing it up by tonight and going to pick up a new book tonight. By I wanted to talk about a part of the book. Elizabeth Gilbert and a few people she meets in Italy talk about how everything seems to have a word. Like cities and such. They then proceed to talk about what they think their word is. I realized what my word is Resilience. Which is something I hope to get tattooed on my back soon, well Resilience Gene is what I want tattooed on my back and I cannot wait for this tattoo to happen!

I’m looking forward to the changes going on inside of myself and the feelings transforming throughout my body. My spirit is ready for the changes happening.

L’ho provato sulla mia pelle

(I have experienced that on my own skin)

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Filed under about me, Books, good energy, Life, my writing, poetry, reading, thoughts, universe

Falling Stars (My Poetry)

Falling Stars

Let my lovers energy move me, let it throw me off my feet and catch me in midair

twirling me up, around, tying me into a big pretty sapphire bow.

Then, touch my face with honeysuckle rose smiles.

Kiss me gently on the cheek.

Oh lover,

pray for me to sway closer with your breath,

whispering secrets of this big bang universe, through cellar door ears and out my Efflorescence soul.

As we, love struck lovers watch the falling stars jump through the sky

skipping from galaxy to galaxy

they don’t know where they’re going

but they just keep moving on.

Falling down towards the center of the earth

Why do they fall?

Stars whisper back through the galaxies kiss.

“We fall so others can take our place, we die, so others can live.”

Touch my shoulders with finger tips and brush up against my face, lover

I would die a thousand deaths for you

kissing softly the forest floor, smelling fresh pine on your breathe.

What should I say? sweet lover asks my butterfly catching eyes

I smile and whisper, Tell me I’m pretty, no

tell me, I’m beyond the measure of the word “beauty”,

tell me you see how jealous the stars can be and that’s why they shine so bright, trying to out shine my glow.

Tell me my hips move with the willow trees, and my hands touch your face like the cool air catching onto your aching breath.

But like the breath, you lover, you slipped through my fingers,

Stars faded.

Time rolls away,

I waited

even though the air felt strange, and the seasons change,

I wasn’t ready for change.

You lover, you once told me no one in the universe is more beautiful than me.

It took me years after to understand that this too was a lie

only words of worship

with a message that was interwoven through the strings of a dream catcher

that now twirls over my restless pillow head.

I close my eyes, pray for better days to come, praying for the tears to whisper off my face

throwing my head back, shooting my glances towards the stars and yell out

“why?”

Why did you think it was fair to love me so deep into silicon veins, feed off heart beats, brushing up against my heart cheeks taking a part of my love away from me?

Stars whisper back, “some times we fall, so others can live.”

“But here is another secret,” they whisper to me,

a whisper hushed like wings of a humming bird in mid air, almost without sound, they speak

“just because you fall, just because you die so others can live, doesn’t mean you’re not alive”

you live in a world more beautiful than reality my sweet angel.

Stars Crescendo through the sky, voices deep, God like, speaking clear,

you my earth angel, you love more than a man can contain in a single glass jar, you kiss with a thousand heart beats and cry like the flashing flood God brought down upon earth.

Don’t be sad to fall down, you fall down to get back up.

You have hope!

Why else would people wish on falling stars, they see us as hope, not as heart break.

People wish on you now too

they wish for you to have a better life than the one before.

Original

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Filed under Beautiful, Life, Love, my writing, poetry