Tag Archives: naked

Today I masturbated to a Berry White song, candles and my pretty pink vibrator


Today (I mean Saturday March 8th) was amazing. Now of course I’m writing this at 3am which is due to the fact that I just watch half of the documentary, My Amityville Horror and after the creepiest fucking picture of a ghost boy we shut off the film and freaked out for 10 minutes and then put on The Office to calm ourselves down. Real ghosts or not and no matter what you believe it was creep as fuck.

But this March 8th was an amazing little day. I got to spend all day at my favorite little coffee shop working on my poetry. Hung out with friends, went to two little house parties, had a nice beer, lots of food all day. I’ve been pushing myself to eat better and eat more throughout my day and my body has been feeling wonderful.

Also I found out today one of my poems found a home! It’s going to be getting published in a University Journal! Yay! It felt wonderful to read the email. They also invited me to read at their university so I’m pretty sure I’m going to attend that. Basically I’m feeling great, because this is another stepping stone for my work. I can’t wait to see where I’ll go from here!

As for the title of this blog, yes I masturbated. Ha!

Honestly I hadn’t recently masturbated the last week or so, but after I had dinner I just got the feeling and ok I happen to have a candle already lit and ok I may have put on some Barry White, because I have a poem where I joke about masturbating as a Berry White song plays so I thought I should actually live up to umm my writing….yeah.

Two things I learned today: I need to get laid and I want a new fancy vibrator

and of course I would talk about masturbation and my poetry getting published in the same goddamn post. Ha!

And this is my life.

FML bahahaha

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Filed under Being a woman, FML, FOOD, funny, poetry, Really Sally? SingleGirlProblems, single girl problems, This would happen to me (funny)

When God closes a door, he opens a sex dungeon.

Of course after reading my previous post before this one its clear that my Saturday night all the way into half of Sunday was pretty much an ass hat of a shitty time. I mean I haven’t had sex since last month, which was also sex I don’t remember and I threw up and ended up in the wrong bed naked. With an old hook-up that’s fine, but I’m ready for some sober fun sex now.

Today the universe must have heard my prayer because oh fuck! I’m going to be having some crazy ass sex when I get back home to Cali. So if any of you have read my page called, “The Past” you will remember a guy named “the best sex I’ve ever had.” Well, I’m going to be having some more of that awesome sex when I get back into California in two weeks!! Oh holy fucking shit! It’s a dream come true. I have been dreaming of some nasty, hot ass sex and like a fairy tale my dreams have come true.

Now I understand what Cinderella and the Little Mermaid were feeling at the time. Damn.

And it’s funny because I guess he’s been thinking about me for a while now. Since October. Gosh I’m so oblivious. But I looked back and some of our conversations and I’m like oh wow he’s been emailing me to see how I’m doing, etc. I’m a mess that I didn’t notice.

And it’s funny because this week I’ve been complaining that I want sex and I want to have a good time. Also it’s funny because twice this week I have brought “the best sex I’ve ever had guy” up to two of my friends.

But I cannot wait for some sex, motorcycles, food and the beach.

Damn, I’m wet just thinking about it.

Thank you God/Universe/naked good vibes/whatever made this workout


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Filed under good energy, Home, sex, universe

Well that was fast

Thank goodness that everybody knows everybody out here, because I just found out he is single.


So false alarm everyone! Sally can get naked!

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Fell Off the Wagon



Photo on 2012-11-27 at 12.20


That’s right I had sex on Tuesday night. Do I remember having sex? Not really, besides the memory of grabbing the wall and screaming a bit I don’t remember. Did I drink a bit too much? Yes I did, after two 32 oz. ciders, two Vegas Bombs and two very dark beers within two hours, I think I can safely say I drank too much. 

Also waking up in my hook ups female roommates bed naked and no memory of that, well that helps too. 

What did I learn from this? I HAVE NO SHAME AND I’M VERY COMFORTABLE WITH MY BODY! TOO MUCH! This moment deserves a true *Laugh out loud*


Bruiser changed his mind and decided may be using me to get over another girl. So he thinks its best that nothing comes of us. I’m rather upset about this and I would be lying if Tuesday drunk sexscapes didn’t have anything to do with the texts I got from him that night. You think by 24 years old I would have stopped pulling the I’m sad about a boy time to hook-up situation. 

I’m very disappointed in how this is turning out. I like that dumb ass and it kills me to just step back. But I’ve learned no one wants you fighting for them. Because fighting for someone is just a fancy word for stalking. 

But did I not go to a party, extremely dressed up, curled hair wearing my lace turquoise dress and brown boots? Yes, I did. Did I do it to see him for a brief moment? Yes. And It wasn’t long enough. 

And ending this post with no real ending, because how can I end a post about a feeling that I’m not ready to be done with? 




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Filed under Being a woman, Causal, Confessions, FML, Really Sally? SingleGirlProblems, sex, single girl problems, This would happen to me (funny)

I better get some damn good ass Karma after turning down sex twice

Twice tonight two men have hit me up for a good old-time.

Men I have had hook ups with before.

And twice have I said, “No I can’t. I have a paper to work on.”

I haven’t had sex since May! MAY MAAAAAAAAYYY And I said no.

I’m either stupid, accidentally drunk and I’m not thinking, I’m masturbating too much or I have been eating too much cake or I’m just I don’t know…AHHH

I think someone should give me a medal. AND GOD! YEAH! I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME! YOU OWE ME!

Dear Bruiser,

Get yourself together because I want to have sex with you and you’re killing me! Killing me!

I had to post this up, it’s not every night at 3am not just one guy but two and a kind of third hit you up.


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Filed under Confessions, FML, Really Sally? SingleGirlProblems, school, sex, single girl problems, Struggles, This would happen to me (funny), WTF?

Late Night Messages From Boys

As I work late into the night memorizing my poems for this Thursday day poetry event that I’m going to be featured in, he messages me, “The one that has a thing for red heads.”

Messages me on Facebook asking me to drive 45 minutes to go see him. To make out with him, to be naked but no sex, because he’s waiting for marragie. Which I don’t fully understand when I’m bent down giving you head but ok…that’s your forte.

But the fact remains that it hits me, “I am just his warm body pillow.” Because he hasn’t spoken to me in two weeks and out of the blue he decides to message me at 12:15 and see if I will drive over to see him.

And the fact remains he has never driven to see me.

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Doppelganger Dating

About a two months ago I was seeing this guy and when I say seeing, I mean “naked.”

He was a really nice guy, very midwestern though (yes, thats a type. I’m sorry, I’m from Southern California) But on that midwesterner note, it’s very funny to date out here, because of the accents.  I love peoples voices,  I love the different tones people have, and their own unique accent and vocal infections. I know this sounds all very weird, but for my job I know it becomes a huge strength of mine; that I pick up on peoples vocal tones. I swear I can point out your natural speaking pattern, tone, and at all if you sound like someone. For example, I was auditioning this girl for a performance and I told her see sounded like the girl from The Lovely Bones film, and I gave her lines from the book and well shit it as perfect. So with all that I love being out here because everyone seems to  have this unique medium to deep pitch somewhere in their vocal range.

Any ways back to this guy, lets call him Peeta. Like the fictional character from the hunger games Peeta, yeah that one. (Oh there is a reason why I use this name, but I’m just about to get to that, so hold on!)

I saw Peeta for about a month or so. It was fun, but it was definitely a rebound from my three year relationship that had just ended. But Peeta and I kind of ended on not so fun terms. Nothing bad or anything, just a huge miscommunication, that ended up with my feelings hurt, and I don’t even think he was the one that made me emotional, because I was already emotionally drained from my recent break-up.

But shit happened and I decided I couldn’t speak to him for a while, mainly because I really had liked him and everything. Really he was a very sweet guy and a gentlemen and was more of a man then most of all the guys I had seen in my past. But still I was emotional upset. You know, I ate the ice cream, only it wasn’t ice cream, it was more like I bought myself a party size bag of Reese pieces. And had a one night stand, and believe it or not, I’ve only had two one night stands in my whole life, this one and another one. (Those two stories will be for another time)

So after about a weekend, I was over everything, still a bit hurt, but like I said I’m pretty sure that was more pain I was feeling from being cheated on by my Ex.

But then about a month later my friend Tina and I decided to rent Hunger Games. I had just read through all the books and was super antsy to watch the movie. So since Paranormal Activity 4 was sold out, we decided to rent the movie.

Finally we get to the point of the movie where they are doing the reaping

I kept hearing how cute the actor who was playing Peeta was from my friends and to be honest I really liked him as a character in the books, I was always routing for him and Katniss to get together. I just really liked his character type, you know?

So then the character Effie Trinket (the one all dressed up and in the bright colors) calls out the boy tribute, “Peeta Mellark.”

Then they go to a big old screen shot of him.

And I say oh fuck. Yep, fuck my life Tina.

Tina: What?

Me: Who does Peeta look like to you?

Tina: OH FUCK! bahaahaha


So for 142 minutes I had to watch Peeta Mellark, the actor, the character that looked like the guy I had been seeing. 142 is a really long time….Really long. Like all kinds of long.

Especially when Tina keeps saying through the whole movie, “Oh fuck,” and “I just can’t.”

Plus that like ruined the whole movie for me. I really had  like the character Peeta. Plus it didn’t help that I now felt like I had some short of a  sexual connection/tension with the actor playing Peeta. like we had hooked up and stuff. It was all kinds of weird, hot, and bothered.

So lesson learn: Be carful seeing someone that looks like a celebrity from a movie.

Which is funny because my friends all tell me I look like the actress from the 1976 Carrie film:

That’s definitely a Doppelganger that would make any man stay clear away.

Happy Hunger Games

May the odds always be in your favor

(Yeah, that’s just great)

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Filed under Dating, FML, Really Sally? SingleGirlProblems