Last night I went through a series of crazy ass dreams and lucky enough I woke up remembering a few details. In of my dreams I was on a huge eagle flying, it was dark brown, reds and deep blues. And from what I remember we were working together to save someone or overcome something, but I’m not exactly sure.
So like the weird person I am I looked up an interpretation of dreams:
To see birds in your dream symbolize your goals, aspirations and hopes. To dream of chirping and/or flying birds represent joy, harmony, ecstasy, balance, and love. It denotes a sunny outlook in life. You are experiencing spiritual freedom and psychological liberation. It is almost as if a weight has been lifted off your shoulders.
To see an eagle in your dream symbolizes nobility, pride, fierceness, freedom, superiority, courage, and powerful intellectual ability. It also represents self-renewal and your connection with your spirituality. You will struggle fiercely and courageously to realize your highest ambitions and greatest desires.
Then I remember another dream I had where my room was filled with lit candles:
To see a burning candle in your dream signifies that good luck and hope will be coming your way in small and steady amounts. You are in a comfortable stage in your life and may be seeking spiritual enlightenment. Lit candles are also symbolic of intellect, enlightenment, awareness or the search for truth.
I thought that was a cool little interpretation and I think both these interpretation have a lot to say for how I have been feeling the past week or so. I think thats always so funky about dreams, that your mind is trying to figure things out when you’re resting and I always love to realize my waking life and my mind at rest are both going through things and figuring everything out.
I’ve continued to have egg cracking throughout various dreams these last few weeks. To the point within my dream last night there were thousands of egg shells all over the floor. I was bare foot and I was crying but I was also so very happy at the same time. I suppose they must have been happy tears.
*Breaking out of my shell*
That’s what I’ve been telling myself I’m doing. I’m breaking out of my shell. Which makes a lot of sense. I’ve been feeling irritated by certain people around me *men* in particular and the injustice I’ve been not only about how certain men view me as a woman but the other women around has been exhausting.
To realize a dear guy friend of mine has been a core reason for why my poetry has seem to be slipping past my finger tips is a rather very upsetting realization. To not write feminists, to have a smaller voice. The very issues I have been writing about started to become me because I trusted him, my friend and all it got me was tears and the frustration of, “what’s going on?”
I can only hope I’ve gotten back on the right track?
God I’m praying, I know I don’t pray very often but God, Universe, the World I need a big win right now. That would be awesome. Please.
There’s a lot going through my head right now and I did the good feelings to come back.
Today writing they did come back and I’m hoping the feelings are the same again. So I’m going to keep pushing through and hope each day gets better and better.
And even though *breaking out of my shell* has been one of the hardest changes of my life, its one of the happiest most worthwhile experiences and I know I’m going to be a strong, proud, powerful woman at the end of this all.
I can’t wait to see my poetry and I can’t wait to meet this new woman coming out of her shell.
Filed under about me, Beautiful, Being a woman, Dreams, good energy, Hope, Life, Struggles, Thankful, thoughts, universe
Last week was ROUGH. I had a really hard week. From poetry, friends and men.
But this last week I finally spoke up in my life.
I’ve always been a quite person, the silent observer you learned about in interpersonal class on working groups. I was a shy little kid and thanks to speech and debate, poetry and a few friends most people don’t believe me at all that I’m shy.
Yet I have barely spoken up when it comes to serious conversations in my life. I’ve always felt I could never articulate myself, especially after years of special education I’ve never treated my thoughts or my voice as something of intellectual significance. So I’ve remained rather silent. Until I found poetry, a place to write out all my thoughts out. Because I had time to think my ideas and thoughts over and put them down in a way for people to hear my voice. Which is funny because that’s what everyone really loved about my poetry, that you could hear this voice.
And thanks to writing poetry for a year now I notice I’m speaking up more and more in my life. But it’s really hard and very exhausting as well.
I was tested this week, not only with speaking up but with how much I love poetry.
I had a dream Saturday night, where there was a shit ton of cracking egg shells and some broken ones as well.
Decided to look it up because I was really worried what it could mean I’m going through mentally
Dream dictionary: To see cracked or broken eggs in your dream represent feelings of vulnerability or a fragile state in your life. Consider the phrase, walking on eggshells. Alternatively, you may be breaking out of your shell and being comfortable with who you are.
I thought that was pretty cool. I think it’s rather interesting how much dreams line up with your reality.
So here we go…more breaking out of my shell and a fragile state in my life.
Here’s to some big changes.
Of course after reading my previous post before this one its clear that my Saturday night all the way into half of Sunday was pretty much an ass hat of a shitty time. I mean I haven’t had sex since last month, which was also sex I don’t remember and I threw up and ended up in the wrong bed naked. With an old hook-up that’s fine, but I’m ready for some sober fun sex now.
Today the universe must have heard my prayer because oh fuck! I’m going to be having some crazy ass sex when I get back home to Cali. So if any of you have read my page called, “The Past” you will remember a guy named “the best sex I’ve ever had.” Well, I’m going to be having some more of that awesome sex when I get back into California in two weeks!! Oh holy fucking shit! It’s a dream come true. I have been dreaming of some nasty, hot ass sex and like a fairy tale my dreams have come true.
Now I understand what Cinderella and the Little Mermaid were feeling at the time. Damn.
And it’s funny because I guess he’s been thinking about me for a while now. Since October. Gosh I’m so oblivious. But I looked back and some of our conversations and I’m like oh wow he’s been emailing me to see how I’m doing, etc. I’m a mess that I didn’t notice.
And it’s funny because this week I’ve been complaining that I want sex and I want to have a good time. Also it’s funny because twice this week I have brought “the best sex I’ve ever had guy” up to two of my friends.
But I cannot wait for some sex, motorcycles, food and the beach.
Damn, I’m wet just thinking about it.
Thank you God/Universe/naked good vibes/whatever made this workout
I spent the majority of my summer speaking to a few guys.
One that lead to me realizing he just wanted to be my fuck buddy
Another that I still speak to, he’s a nice guy. I liked him last year, but after everything he put me through, now he didn’t do anything terrible just couldn’t make his mind up over me, a past relantionship and the fact that I slept with one of his friends. I’m not about to wait around, be given what little he’s willing to give or work around just his needs. I have needs too.
And the third, well the third one is definitely a disappointment. From speaking to him sense May, someone who was obviously pursuing me. From late night skyping to back and forth conversation. A nice guy, who didn’t talk about wanting to see me naked, just wanted to get to know me. Too good to be true I suppose. I thought this was going to end up finally being a break for me, someone to get to know more and more. Plsu he was moving closer to the town I live in. After three meetings and the fact that he has stopped talking to me I realize this has become nothing but a disappointment. A bummer that I thought this guy was going to be different.
Then again I’ve done with every guy thats walked my way.
That this guy is going to prove me wrong, that for once someone sees me more then sex, more then a body laid out on bed sheets. That this guy is going to change everything.
Now I’m just very down and very disappointed. I know this is especially true because my dream have been extremely voilent. Which is very frustrating because I’ve been up almost every night this week till 4am, then wake up at 9am, working on my poetry, go to class, eat and go off to a few activities for the day.
I hope this feeling goes away soon. I miss sleeping and I have a lot of poems to memorize.
But damn, I’m craving for someone. Don’t have any one in mind but man oh man I am longing for a man. *sigh* Cheesecake is good too
Today I experienced my third tornado dream. Haven’t figured out why I have been developing these dreams lately but I’m beginning to think it has something to do with my back and forth state on dating.
In previous posts I’ve mentioned this numerous times and i’ve mentioned that I’ve mentioned this multiple times as well: One moment I just want sex, just rough, all night, all day kinky sex. These moments of craving sex like it’s a big old piece of cheesecake happen almost every week. Moments were I become the least rational as a woman. Of course these irrational moments have caused me the worst of heartache. Exactly why I’ve concocted the whole idea of being “Closed for Season.” Clearly after last month, the whole being closed didn’t really work out too well, but here I am. FInally closed for the season and hating must days.
Then I have a day like today: I wake up and I’m lonely, craving to have someone text me “good morning,” to miss me, to hold me tight. It’s always great to have someone that wants to hear about your day, wants to make sure you had a good day and lastly someone who is thinking about you throughout the day. That’s the one main thing I miss about dating, about relationships. Knowing someone is thinking about me. I miss this so much, which just gets me pissed, upset, and I take a nap, where I end up dreaming about tornados again.
Tomorrow maybe I’ll just miss sex, then wait for someone to just treat me like a piece of meat and want to fuck me.
Of course my friend is right though, I just need to stay positive with dating. Again I guess I haven’t been so positive with dating because I’ve been so focused on my poetry and throwing all my good energy onto my art form, instead of men. Which is how it should be until someone knows how to treat me right. Treat me as the beautiful, caring, free spirited woman I am.
“I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, then all at once.”
― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars”
I fell in love the way I fall asleep: hugging a cool pillow, listening to the rain tapping on my window and dreaming about a tornado carrying me off to Oz…where you’ll be waiting for me.