Category Archives: asshole dude

The dick

This weekend was a reminder of past pain that I though I was almost over with. But triggers have a way of going off and within seconds your laying on a crying in tears struggling to breathe about all the pain you’ve endeared. I always think about the quote by Joan Didion.

“I closed the box and put it in a closet.
There is no real way to deal with everything we lose.” 

Last night all the way till noon today I spoke to a guy I was starting to really like. Lets call him “the dick.” Not because his penis was large or anything, he just ended up being a dick.

I found out he not only has a girlfriend but I’m pretty sure they have been together for years now. He came over, we talked for a long time about everything throughout our lives. I guess we didn’t want to focus on the real issue at hand.

Which we eventually ended up on, which of course ends exactly how anyone would expect it to. He loves his girlfriend and he doesn’t want to give up on that. Yes, he does really like me. But let’s be honest whenever does someone really leave their relationship for a “like.” Ok, maybe my ex did that. But most guys aren’t going to leave their girlfriend, who I’m pretty sure is also his fiancé.

It was terrible this morning. Absolutely an awful morning. I will never see him again. I mean of course I’ll probably run into him downtown here and there. Which will be awful and of course Valerie will murder him each time she runs into him.

I cried, slept for three hours, eat some food. And I’m feeling much better. It amazing how easily I can move on more and more now. Will I break down a few more times? Yeah, I probably will. Will this fill up another piece of baggage for me. Of course.

But later today everything seemed to changed. The universe of something is looking out for me because everything shifted to a much better day. A bunch of people I haven’t spoken to in a while spoke to me. A few will be in town next week and I cannot wait to be back home for a little bit and enjoy friends and family. I’m so so thankful that something is watching out for in the world. I have never felt more safe and so full of comfort.

Thank you

It gives me hope.

 
Now “the dick” is just distant memory of how terrible men can be and the test that I made sure that I never do what was done to me. I could have continued on with fooling around with him, but that’s not ok. I told him he should tell her too. To be honest I don’t think he will. I don’t think that’s ok. He will be another lesson, another pain and another reminder that I do deserve better and i will find someone who is going to be so lucky to have something like me in their life and I’m going to be so lucky to have a man someday in my life who is going to give me all the love and care I deserve. 
 
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Filed under Asshole, asshole dude, Confessions, Ex-boyfriends, Feeling Lost, Hope, Life, single girl problems, thoughts, trust, universe, WTF?

It’s been rough, Zombie rough

Zombie

I sang in a show on Saturday! Badass zombie make-up

My poetry has been rather frustrating lately. Not the poetry’s fault, but I do blame all my class work and certain events that have taken place that have really put a damper on my work. Which sucks because I have a huge contest deadline on Thursday and I’m not too happy with the product I have right now. I haven’t had a lot of people willing to go through my stuff and I haven’t had the time to write and it’s very much effecting my moods. Lets hope this mood goes away soon.

I had to deal with some assholes last week. The mens club that goes on without the poetry community is one of the worst ones out there. No my name is not baby and you’re a pig for not only performing drunk, for thinking your shit is gold but especially for rubbing up against women. (More on this later maybe.

(SCHOOL IS A BITCH AND A HALF)

I must confess I have been struggling with posting this last week and I have so much to say now I feel like this post may be rather too long but FUCK IT!

The one that wants to be the fuck-buddy emailed me a second time and sent me a friend request. GO AWAY! He has been nothing but drama in my life and I don’t need any more of that in my life.

Virgin Cornfield guy called me out of the blue tonight. Which was funny because I was crying. He told me I could come over lay down and just fall asleep, you know get away. Which I was rather tempted to, because comfort right now is something I’m dying for, but i know this is something I need to get through without needing someone. Plus he’s not the guy I want comforting me.

THAT guy (the one I really like right now) seems to have stop speaking to me. I know I could be over doing it, so what if he hasn’t text me in three days. This wouldn’t be a problem, but the fact that he’s bailed so many times before this just worries me even more. He just has promised so much these last few days and out of no where just kind of stopped speaking to me. I’m so sensitive to stuff right now and this is just going to drive me rather crazy, especially since we kissed the last week. For all I know he’s changed his mind. (Not sure what to do)

The hardest thing to deal with at the moment…my kitty cat back at home in California is not doing so hot. She’s 20 years old and she’s been my bestest little friend for these last 20 years now. My mom keeps sending me these cute little texts and stuff, like they took her into the vet today and my mom texts me she’s a tough old cat and a fighter. I don’t think she’s going to be around much longer, but if I am to be honest I rather not be home when she decides its time to go. I know I must sound rather silly, because some people don’t care for cats every much or think well it’s only an animal.

But I don’t think it’s silly. She’s my best friend, she was there when my doggy was hit by a car, she was there during the moments I felt so stupid and struggled each time in school. She was there after each break ups. She was always there and she’s always been there for me. It’s hard to think I won’t have that little cat in my corner for much longer. She’s the last of my childhood pets and my God I’m going to miss her to pieces when she’s gone and I think that may be happening pretty soon. (I’m Praying for you Kitty cat) I wish I could give her one last hug, but she knows I love her.

Adele: Make you feel my love

God, I need a pick me up after these last few weeks.
I’m burnt out and about to give up.

And I hope my writing picks up too

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Filed under Asshole, asshole dude, Being a woman, Cats, Dreams, Feeling Lost, Help, Home, Love, My kitty cat, my writing, poetry, school, single girl problems, Struggles, thoughts

I have your clothes.

Dear The one that turned out to be an ASSHOLE,

I have a shit ton of your clothes. But now I don’t feel bad at all, because one I hear you do have a new girl. Which is all fine and flowers, but shit dude pull your balls out of your ass and tell me to my face that you want to see other people. Especially after we had two different talks about exclusively not sleeping with other people.

I’m a woman, a beautiful, talented, caring woman who deserve a man to tell her when he wants to end things.

But instead I dated a boy and he bailed on me all together. I’ve never once had someone just stop talking to me out of the blue. Have some class and let a woman know.

I have your clothes and I can’t wait to cut them into outfits that will fit me. You had no respect for me at the end of the day so why should I care about you getting all your shit back to you. Especially when you’re so chicken shit to talk to me you are willing to let go of these clothes so you don’t have to talk to me.

Wow, sad.

Thanks for the new stuff dude. And thanks for the condoms, they’ve come in handy.

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Filed under asshole dude, Dating, FML, funny, single girl problems, This would happen to me (funny), WTF?