Tag Archives: healing

Facebook Conversations with “The Other Woman”

My roommate Valerie leans over to me and says, “Do you mind if I start talking to her again?” “Her” is the other woman who was involved with my Ex for five months. Valerie and her were best friends all throughout college, they have had a touch and go relationship since the cheating and sense Valerie found out more. I told her I don’t mind, but I did tell her the changes of me ever being ok with seeing her or chatting are gone. There was at one point I was trying but with the way things have ended with me and Thrilla and the fact that they still have been lying about a few key points, even a year after! I’m just done.

But as I was laying in bed, I remembered the Facebook messages I sent her and I thought to myself, “I wonder if I kept them or not.” Sure enough down deep into my message they were still there. So since I can’t sleep I decided it was time to post the small exchange I had with “the other woman.” It’s now 5am, lets do this.

Conversations started August 17, 2012

8/17/12 7:07pm


This is Sally and I believe we have meet a few times. I’m good friends with Valerie. So look, it’s come to my understanding that you and Thrilla may have been getting very close over the course of the summer. Especially ever sense Valerie party.

And look it’s fine, date, do what you two want to do. I’m not sending you this email to cuss you out or tell you not to date him, I’m sending this because you know, maybe I’m wrong, maybe it’s not you, and maybe Thrilla has told you a different story about our four year relationship. Maybe you didn’t even know Thrilla and I were dating till as of now.

But I’m emailing you, because I just want the honest truth. Especially sense you know me, you have seen me around, you hosted the poetry event, you said hi to me and hugged me.

And from the notes, roommates and other various red flags its led me to believe you and Thrilla are more then friends. I just want to move on. I want the honest truth and to know if anything did happen. Because honestly I do believe he had been seeing you over the summer in some form of dating and I do consider that cheating and I am very hurt and very shocked that anyone would be ok with knowing someone else was getting badly hurt within the process of all this.

As a women, it hurts to think that you did know about me and you were ok with it all. Because it is situations like this that many women fight against. I feel as though you would be someones very against this very situation. Please I only want the honest truth so I can let go and move on.

If you are truly uninvolved and unaware of all this, then I’m truly sorry for sending this email out to you. I hope you can see and understand why I’m sending you this.

I want closer because honest and I have gotten none and I have been left very hurt and shocked by my break up with Thrilla, who is not only been my boyfriend but my best friend at one time.  I have been very hurt in this relationship and I have just become numb to this whole issue.

Thank you,



I’m not sure what events lead up to the second email because I found out a few interesting things through Tina and through Valerie. Before Thrilla fully admitted everything I spoke to her through this second and last email I ever sent her.

8/18/13 18th 2012 3:11pm

Ok, also I should let you know I do know some stuff/found things. And I figure if I’m asking you to be honest with me then I will be honest with you.

I found a lace white silk undershirt in Thrilla room, and a note that said, “keepsake to remember what I wore that night.”

I found journal notes by him that didn’t say a name but was to someone. It said you left today and I Miss you and love you and some other stuff about wanting to do things to the person and not having them around. This date this women left was not the day I left for California.

I found a note that had text messages on it that was very sexual and lots of very sexual poems about doing things to a women. They were very sexual.

Also I know you and Thrilla were flirting at party Valerie’s when I came over to the kitchen it was very awkward when we walked in.

I also know Valerie doesn’t know a thing , which leads me to believe both of you knew this was wrong and what you both were doing was not ok on any level no matter the reason or logical thinking or heart-felt feelings you two may have for each other.

Also his roommates told me that a few times Thrilla took MY car and drove off somewhere they didn’t know where, and one time he left and didn’t get back till the next day. I would really hate to think that Thrilla, who at the time didn’t have a driver’s license drove to meet up with you and drove you around.

I know you came over to Thrillas house this summer and met his roommates, who by the way are my best friends and they told me you guys went up into his room.

I also found a list, with your name on it and my and many other girls he’s dated/wanted to or maybe is flirting with idk….and we had numbers to go with our names and he wrote down negatives and positives for each of us. And your name was definitely on the list.

I know Thrilla sent you some literature I do not appreciate that because that is from my job thats my high schools literature, not yours or his or mine for that matter. That is very unethical of both of you.

I have seen more than my share of emails between you and Thrilla and they made me really uncomfortable and I’m not stupid I can tell when I guy and girl are flirting with each other and developing a bond together.

I can’t write out off the top of my head all the emails and Facebook messages but I’ve seen a lot….more then Thrilla even knows. I also checked his history on his computer and saw he had spoken to you numerous times, but deleted the messages. I also had asked him not to speak to you  during him and I dating because I felt comfortable and I know he still was messaging you.

I know this is a lot but I felt like I should tell you what I know, but I guess he seems to really love you and I guess you to are a lot closer than I had thought. To be honest it hurts to see these journal entries about how much love he has and what not.

Also from the past messages I’ve seen you and Jenkins both seem to enjoy poetry, so I thought you would like this poem and Thrilla would too.


8/18/13 (The other woman)

Hi Sally,

I understand your reaching out to me and that you want the truth about what’s been going on. But after that second message, it seems like you really already know what’s been going on.

I don’t know what you want me to say from that list of things you sent me. We have been talking online, texting, through Facebook, etc. I don’t know anything about the journal entries/lists. I did not know that car was yours or that he did not have a driver’s license until later, but he did drive up to see me one time. The lace cami is mine. As for the lit you mention, I don’t know about that either.

That night at the party is where this all started. That night, I did not know you were still with Jenkins, but I knew about your relationship after that. We started talking that night and have been throughout the summer.

When you said you’re hurt that I did know about you, had met you, and was ok with it anyway, you’re right. I don’t think I would have done it or allowed it to continue as long as it had had I not been dealing with my own issues at the time, which was my break up with my own boyfriend of 3 years. At the time, I did not care much about anything or anyone. I’m not saying it’s an excuse for what I’ve done, only maybe help you understand a little why I did it, at least at the beginning. By the time I had a grip on myself and realized what I was really doing, we had been already been talking for a few weeks.

We would talk online, text, and sometimes go on walks. We also went to salsa dancing and to a poetry slam, maybe you’ve heard about that. When I graduated and left Bradley we continued talking, much of which you’ve seen I guess.

When I came down and visited Peoria, I did meet his roommates and go up in his room. I also stayed for a night at his house. Up till then we had just been talking, but that night we did kiss and fool around a little. Nothing went on below the waist, but neither of us felt good about it, so we stopped and haven’t done anything since then.

Our actions were not intended to hurt anyone, but they did and I’m very sorry about that. I don’t think either of us expected it to turn out like this, for this to go on for as a long/far as it has.

I’m sure it sounds hollow coming from me, but I am truly sorry for all of this and the hurt it has caused you. I hope this gives you the closure you were looking for and I appreciate your honesty with me. Thanks for the poem, I will keep it in mind.


I will later find out that yes they did have sex and then year later I found out she went to California with him that summer, the point in the summer where I had just flown back to Peoria. He introduced her to his family, she stayed as their guest, she baked cookies, she became family.

 And the fact that she brings up her struggle with her break-up. I am sorry but I don’t feel bad at all and would have preferred her not to mention it, because when you state something and it’s follows, “I’m not saying it’s an excuse for what I’ve done” No that’s your excuse, you’re trying to sugar coat, but adding sprinkles to a piece of crap is just a piece of crap with some nasty sprinkles on it now.

 It was only a week after all this that she showed up in town to stay the night with him. It took me a year to realize neither of you were innocent and knew exactly what you were doing. You were both excited with the fact of seeing each other as I was still there. For all I know the moments I was on the phone with him, you were sitting beside him. I should have never blamed myself but I have been fighting myself for a year now and that is done and over with. I had nothing to do with any hers or his weakness, their lack of empathy for another human being.

I hope posting this will allow some form of healing for me and to be honest I think it will in some way heal me a bit more.

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Filed under Being a woman, Ex-boyfriends, thoughts, universe, Words


The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines forgiveness as:

transitive verb
a : to give up resentment of or claim to requital for –forgivean insult-

 b : to grant relief from payment of –forgive a debt-
: to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) : pardonforgive one’s enemies-
A Little over a year ago I had one of the worst experiences of my young adult life.
Standing in the middle of my boyfriend of the time bedroom, holding a beautiful silky pearl under shirt my whole world came crashing down around. Every red flags, every fight, every fear hit me like a bullet to the heart. I couldn’t breath, couldn’t stand, couldn’t believe that someone I had been dating for four years of my life could cheat on me. But these are the facts, these are the moments that will forever be a scar on my heart and these moments have become haunting,the worst of my nightmares since the beginning of last August. From finding letters, emails, finding out my car was taken to visit this other women, who was not only someone I had met before but a friend of my best friend.

Then two weeks ago I found out not only were they seeing each other over the summer I was home working my job but when i was heading back, both of them came to California, she met his family, friends and where he grew up, all the while with the understanding we were still together.

Last year has been nothing but a struggle for me. A struggle to date, to trust again, to love again and a struggle to forgive those who have broken my heart. Yes I did forgive Thrilla. We became close friends and I really had to convince my friends again that this person may have not been the best boyfriend at the end of our relationship but he was going to be a good friend, he was going to make it up to me. So there was forgiveness.

This has all come crashing down around me yet again as I bring up deep dark issues that haven’t been spoken about since last year. Not only has my ex not learned to accept what he did was not ok, was not right. He blames me for the loss of his job.

I have become the one to blame, the one that changed his life forever.

I want to make a few points clear:

My life has forever been changed. Not only has trusting men become near impossible but scares me half to death. Not only have been jumping in and out of bed with men that I have no feelings for, I have made one night stands my drug, my band-aid, my way to fill the huge gap in my heart, in hopes for brief moments I will forget the emails I read, forget the “I love you” they wrote back and forth to each other, and I hope having another man on top of me will help me forget that she sat inside my car as they kissed, held hands and fell in love.

I not only lost my boyfriend of four years, but my best friend and my co-worker.

So yes Thrilla, your life has forever been changed, you have lost so much. But YOU made that decision, I did not decide to kiss her, fuck her, to love her. That was you, those were your moments. Your life has changed because of you, her life has changed because of you and because of her own decisions. And my life has changed because of both of you.

A year ago I decided to forgive, to do something I have never heard anyone else do. I became friends with my cheating ex. I welcomed her into my house and I listened to how much you loved her with no resentment. This is the kind of person I am. I forgive; perhaps too much but this is who I am.

Today though, today has shown me that maybe forgiveness was a mistake, was a silly idea on my behalf. Not only did Thrilla discount what happened a year ago, he saw nothing wrong with his actions and then continue to point out he can’t keep saying sorry for something he did a year ago.

Look a year is nothing, a year is a blink of the eyes. 

It seems as if I have become a victim needing to get over my problems, my sadness and a woman who still clings on to events.

This is not the case, this is anything but the case. I have moved on, I am very happy and I have a much better life then I did during this relationship, but that does not mean scars still do not bleed or hurt once and awhile.

So no Thrilla, this does not give you the right to yell at me (especially when i was not yelling at you) does not give you the right to cuss me out, to kick me out of your house, to flip me off and then continue to text me afterwards. You have no right to ever raise your voice to, not only because I am a women but because I am a human being. I deserve respect, class and a man (friend or more than friend) who will never raise their voice at me.

I promised myself a year ago that you would hurt me again, this promise was broken today. You confirmed everything I ever feared. That you still get it, you don’t see the magnitude of what you have done.

Still I will forgive you, I will let go of the pain bit by bit each morning and I will move on from of this. Someday I will be in love with someone who will forever hold my heart in the right place and someone will love me for each wrinkle of my smile and each tear I shed for those who have done wrong to me.

I am not just a strong woman, but a good PERSON. I am compassionate, I am caring and I give all of myself to love.

I will move on, I will heal, I will forgive still.

I do not know if I can still say the same for you. I do not know if you can move on. Forgive me, for something I should never say sorry for.

I did nothing….I was the victim of a failing relationship that should have ended much sooner. I was a victim of a man who did not have the courage to treat me like an equal person and break it off with me.

Tonight I will forgive myself first, I will wash my salty face and I will sleep with good dreams in mind.

I know the rest will follow.

“True forgiveness is when you can say, “Thank you for that experience.”
― Oprah Winfrey

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Filed under Ex-boyfriends, Life, Love, thoughts, trust, universe