Tag Archives: Elizabeth Gilbert

Attraversiamo

I’m afraid, trying to “cross over” into a new outlook on relantionships. I am terrified, becoming shy and nervous to let someone else into my heart and feelings.

Because what if I do and they just decide to float away, drift away and I then must learn to move on yet again. Growing tried of letting men into my heart and they just use me for the sex, the kisses, smiles around their necks.

Here I sit then, waiting for someone to walk into my life, worried it will never happen. Deciding if I should just cross the street and walk on that side of the concrete. I don’t want to be heart broken anymore. Too scared to feel my chest ache and my hair damp sticking to my face.

Confession #2: I don’t remember the last time I got to tell a man, “I love you.”

Too shy, too nervous, heart broken back zipper, stuck half way up. Want to be done with love, dating, men, the sex so badly at times. But this quotation stops me.

But still humans must try to love each other. We must get our hearts broken sometimes. This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something. -Elizabeth Gilbert

And writing helps, my poetry helps. It keeps my mind and heart busy and else where. Lets me express my pain and most importantly, my poetry reminds me that I don’t need a man. Because my art form, my beautiful words do more then anyone could ever give me. And with that I believe in soul mates. Because I have already found mine…”words.”

I will “Attraversiamo” cross over to my words, let them slide off my tongue and speak affirmations to myself out loud, “I will love someone again, he will be handsome, he will hold me tight and he will inspire me.”

So I will continue on then, I will choose to look for him.

love

Tomorrow I will again and the days to follow.

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Filed under Beautiful, Being a woman, Confessions, Dating, Love, my writing, poetry, thoughts, universe, Words

Let the universe fall to my soles

There is always love

Three weeks ago:

Sitting alone in my parents living room, with the realization setting in that I have to be up in the next three hours to get ready for work, I play the next espiodes of “Everybody Loves Raymond.” This has been a continuing new obsession of mine. (Which tends to happen every summer) I become very obessed with watching TV shows on Netflix and this summer I have become sucked into “Everybody Loves Raymond”. This espiode I’m on is the one where its Ray’s and Debras 10th wedding aniversary. Debra wants to watch their wedding video, so they pop it in, everything seems to be going well and then, “BAM” a football game cuts in. Ray feels terriable for recording over their wedding video and he can’t get another copy, so he promises to renew their wedding vows. Ray then goes through putting together this wedding together by himself to have in their home and on the day of the wedding a few things goes wrong and Ray also realizes he forgets to write his own wedding vows. At this moment he goes on about how he complains how he ordered Lillies of the Valley but the flower guy messed up,  then Debra say’s “You remembered my favorite flower.”

And it is in this moment I realize I want to be in love so badely.

I want someone to remember my favorite flower.

It is this moment, I miss love.

The missing growing into a feeling deep in the pit of my stomach that I’m not even sure how to example yet, but missing love begins my obsession and hunger for other aspects of a relationship.

I miss:

  • Kisses up my shoulders, kissing my finger tips
  • Tight hugs
  • Those smiles only reserved for you
  • Someone holding me as I sleep
  • Someone to hold me as I cry from a shitty day
  • Someone who wants to know about my day
  • Someone who loves me
  • the butterflies in my stomach
  • the stares into eyes
  • the complments
  • The moments I smile when I think of him
  • the flowers
  • the ice cream dates
  • the hiking dates
  • the touch of a hand on my back
  • the moment he moves hair out of my face
  • someone who wants to take me out on a date
  • the moment I realize I am his world
  • moments of pure love
  • hand holding

I miss love so terribly. I miss love like I miss my home in California.

A longing deep inside of my mind, that hits my heart, my stomach and tickles my toes.

The next tricky step:

  • Finding someone who wants me for more then sex
  • Finding love….because how do you find something that merely feels like butterflies in your stomach.

But still humans must try to love each other. We must get our hearts broken sometimes. This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something. -Elizabeth Gilbert

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Filed under Beautiful, Dreams, Feeling Lost, Life, Love, thoughts, universe