Tag Archives: Dates

When dinner dates go well

It’s been a long time since I’ve had a date go well. It’s been a long time since things felt easy. Been a long time since I was naked, sober and didn’t end up having sex. (Hey…I may have been  a bit naked but it was about time)

I may be an ultra feminist at times but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy when a man takes me out to dinner, than coffee. A man who will open doors for me and well basically does every polite thing you can think of. Plus enjoying these aspects shouldn’t ever be labeled as “anti-feminist.”

Geez, I like it when a man can step up to the plate and tell me I damn good. I know I look good but I also like to hear it.

I had a wonderful thursday night. I’m not sure where this will go and I’ve become rather pessimistic at the age of 24. Which is a shame to feel so bitter about dating at this age but after the shit I’ve dealt with are we surprised? I’m not…well I guess I went through it so…

It was the first time in a very long time I felt a connection with someone and to have that returned as well. To sit down and realize so many true connections are nice. Even if this goes no where and ends up becoming a mess or something it was definitely the little push I needed to become a sad woman with a bunch of plants, or cats.

And I’m not going to lie the sexual tense was hot, hot….did I say how hot it was? Damn I haven’t been that hot since I went hiking in Death Valley. I’m also going to be rather vain but I know I’m good at what I do. Sometimes I have these fleeting moments of forgetting and I worry and then I’m like, “oh yeah….I’m good at that shit.” This time was different too…there was definitely a different connection I felt in a long time and I know he definitely felt it.

Or….maybe I’m just that good at giving head.

Any ways for now I’m going to enjoy the moments and the fact that I went on a date with someone who isn’t in college.

Thank you Jesus for tall men with bodies.

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Filed under Being a woman, Confessions, Dating, Life, thoughts, universe

Remember where you came from

I suppose this will be my 100th post once I click on the publish button. Not like I’m one to care about certain little milestones (which is both true and a lie) But after I posted my 99th post and whenever I’ve been upset about something or someone and I start thinking about a post I stop myself.  I didn’t want my 100th post to be angry or full of negative energy.

Last year I went through one of the most tragic experiences of my life. Being cheated on by my boyfriend of almost four years was life changing. I not only lost someone I loved very dearly, but I lost my co-worker, my best friend, I lost someone I had grown with and I’ve lost someone that’s still living.

I know what you must be thinking, cheating happens and its rough, sucks ball and never ends well. Then of course you’ll tell me there are far worse events happening around the world. And this is true, but that doesn’t mean this pain I’ve been going through, this loss isn’t real to me. Along with this intense pain I’ve learned I am someone who wears my love on my sleeves, I’m quick to fall for someone and I give all of myself. This does mean I hurt often but I like to think about this section of Andrea Gibson poem, “Royal Hearts.”

Just to be clear
I don’t want to get out
without a broken heart.
I intend to leave this life
so shattered
there’s gonna have to be
a thousand separate heavens
for all of my separate parts.

  • September 2012 I walked into my first creative writing class [207]
  • October 2012 I began this blog
  • December 2012 I turned in my first set of poems

And January of 2013 I walked into a poetry workshop that was going to change my life forever.

  • April 2013 I got my first poem published
  • September 2013 I toured for the first time
  • October 2013 I performed at my first feature
  • November I helped put together a poetry event

It’s hard to not sit here and cry right now looking at all I’ve accomplished. This is a long time coming for me. Of nights as a little kid crying in my bedroom, looking out the window and asking God, “Please make me like everyone else…I don’t want this disability.”

Here I am. On the track to graduate college, publishing poems, coaching high school students and reading books I use to dream about when I was a little kid in the bookstore.

I am so thankful God never listened to those cries. Even though I’m still rather mad and frustrated about all this sometimes. I’m starting to believe certain things/events happen for a reason and everything comes together at the end of the day to teach you a lesson or throw you into the next moment in life. (But I’m not going to get into that in this post)

I’ve come a long way from that little girl in elementary school sitting at a big round table in the back of dusty library with a popsicle on my tongue to teach my body to sound out the words I must have never been born with.

This is what my 100th post is about, the moments of firsts, the moments I cried and the time I sat down in a chair and found poetry. I’m not sure if I’m gifted or talented even, but I do know I’m happy.

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Filed under about me, Life, my writing, poetry, school, Struggles, Thankful, thoughts, trust, universe, Words