Category Archives: What do you want in a man

I’ll take this post with a side of bitter and a cup of pissed off

I did one of these awhile ago. I will admit these can be rather trivial, silly and a bit sexist in certain aspects but sometimes a girl just has to set a few rules and expectations.

For most of my young adult, which hasn’t been that long yet I have been silly with the qualities I’m looking for in a man, until recently when I was like, “UGH I”M SICK OF ALL THIS!” (I will purpose the sexist cliché idea that I am bitter and on my period right now.”

(These are blunt, honest and I’m not sorry)

  • No drugs. I’m over the pot smoking, ecstasy and lines of “nose candy” bullshit. You once smoked, fine I don’t care and understand I have a terrible addiction to Dr. Pepper and the TV Show Grey’s Anatomy. We will have our vices, but I’m over dealing with men that use substances to create art, to have fun or to basically get through the day.
  • Drinking too much. Look I’m a fun gal, I get drunk, I enjoy it, shit I write everyday and sometimes a glass of wine is needed. But hearing someone is drinking everyday, three beers a day. I’m sorry but its a turn off. I don’t need to get drunk twice a week. Shit barley once a month to have the craving of, “I wanna get wasted.”
  • Using the word “Ghetto.” I’m over it and done.
  • Not supporting my right of choice. Look if you don’t believe in it, fine that’s your freedom but don’t expect to date me.
  • Grammar correction. Over it. I get it you notice when people have spelling mistakes or grammar issues. You need to get a life and worry about your own language and the lack of quality within it.
  • A man who enjoys cooking, because I’m going to blunt and honest. I don’t cook and I don’t have the patience for it. So it would be lovely to date a man who enjoys cooking.
  • Has a car: for too long have a been the one in the relationship driving us everywhere
  • Who will pay for dinner. Look I’ll buy too but for too long have I been the sole provider of meals. Over it.
  • Dresses like their age.
  • No racist, sexist, homophobic comments
  • I hate “no homo”
  • Calling another women a bitch, slut, the over million derogatory  terms is not ok. If you think about other women like that then how should I expect you to picture me or women in my life.
  • Saying things about me like, too fat, too thin. I’m tired of the too much or the not enough.
  • If they are in love with an art form, oh gosh that be lovely. I haven’t date many artists. More the frat boys, the runners and a few choir boys.
  • I love when someone has future goals and aspirations but whats more attractive  is when someone actually achieves their dreams and goals. I’ve dated too many men that have spat on about “going back to school” “getting that place to live” blah blah blah Stop talking and go out and get what you want.
  • I hate,  I HATE when a guy asks me why all my poetry is so angry. Gosh that’s so rude.
  • Have a passion and love it to pieces
  • Don’t dislike the TV show Friends. Regardless if you’re a fan or not. It’s such a red flag when you have such a hate for it. What did the TV ever do to you? Oh that’s right you must not have a soul.
  • Turn off #1 when a guy says, “I hate books.”  I’m fine if you’re not a fan but if you can’t tell me one book you enjoyed reading, like Harry Potter even…then we have a problem!
  • When men post pictures of naked women on their Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr or anywhere! Ugh I hate it. Nasty.
  • Not having a career
  • Too much video game playing. I don’t mind the video game playing here and there but when that’s all you do…I’m sorry just not going to work for me.
  • They have their own set of friends and spend time with them. I think of it as a red flag when a guy really just goes to work, home and well that’s it. They have no one else in their life.
  • Talking down to me
  • Acting like you are Gods gift to art, ugh I know a few of these boys in my workshops *yuck*
  • When men use the phrase “ugh i hate academia” First of all if you’re using academia you are in academia. And whats wrong with the pursuit of education, but that’s going to be another post
  • Don’t tell me you’re not good enough for me, because I’ll realize, “hmm you’re right…see yea!”

Ok this is all I could think of and I’m not as bitter not that I have had wine and ice cream but I’ll think of more!


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Filed under Asshole, Confessions, Dating, for fun, List, single girl problems, What do you want in a man, WTF?

My Spirited Heart

It’s been rather snowy few months here in the Midwest. It’s almost like the Midwest knew I was going back to California in the spring and wanted to make sure I had the full Midwest snow experience. (Thanks)

January/February has been a mix of stress, peaceful meditation and moments like the ones I’m experiencing today. Blissful happy and sad memories.

You see I’m working on my second chapbook for my workshop class. I’ve decided to focus on my past relationships. I think it’s about time I’m honest with some of the most intimate moments of my life that involve sex, men and my feelings towards being a woman and growing up feeling like an object of sex. Today I worked on two wonderful new little poems and I’m very excited about both of them.

As of right now I’m very single.

Yes I was talking to and went out on a few dates with this engineer guy but it was a looks better on paper kind of deal. I just have no attention to him. I don’t lay in bed wanting him near me, if anything it’s frustrating that he has tried to meet up with me…a little to needy for my taste.

And I would love to get laid, but let’s be real that’s not going to happen. I’m rather tired of the hook-up.

There is someone I’m crushing on but I’m sure he just views me as a friend. (I hope that’s not true) But it’s more than likely is true…that he doesn’t like me in that way.

I’ve been very into the film Spirited Away lately.

Why? I don’t know. I just have.

I have been feeling very connected to films like Spirited Away, Coraline and Pan’s Labyrinth.


I’m ready to go home soon

Ready to look at MFA programs for my poetry and I’m ready to meet someone whose going to be everything I could never write about.

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Filed under Alignment:, Beautiful, Being a woman, Dating, Dreams, Life, Love, Meditation, my writing, poetry, school, Thankful, thoughts, universe, What do you want in a man

What are you looking for in a man?

I totally recommend everyone fill this out. It’s actually really difficult to do but so worth it. I got this from my class last week, we are going over gender differences so my professor handed this all out to the women of the class.

What specific kind of a man are you looking for? (For example, funny? Hardworking? Generous?)

Definitely looking for a guy who can make me laugh and also can get along with my goofy humor. Hmm, I guess I’m also looking for a guy who can inspire me with my work, not just with my writing, but my job too. Also a guy with a kind heart and soulful spirit, who really just loves life, loves going out and having a great time. Definitely an optimistic person, who has their own unique passion and hobbies they love.

How do you expect to be pursued? (Do you want regular phone calls? Text messages? Dates at least three times a week? Do you want him to always pick up the tab?)

I wanna be pursed, I want you to come up to me and ask me out, especially if I’ve made a small move, like giving you my number or wanting to talk to you on Facebook, asking questions about what you like, favorite movies, TV shows, etc. But I want to know you’re interested in me.

I don’t need him to pick up the tab every time, but I have spent a lot of my relationships  with me paying more,  so I will say it be nice for once to have a man pay for me. It really does feel good.

I don’t expect dates three times a week, or anything like that, just ask me out, take me out, lets have a good time.

What level of commitment do you expect?(Do you want an open relationship? Or date exclusively? Should it be up for discussion?)

Well, when I first start seeing someone, I prefer it to be more open, more testing the waters, see if it’s going to work out or not. But at a certain point I would hope to figure out if it’s going somewhere. I’m not really into the whole causal dating scene, because the term “causal” to me means that you’re just fuck buddies, without any strings attached, or having any kind of commitments, so it’s a come as you please kind of situation. But yes I don’t mind it being open at the start because both parties need to figure out if this is going to work out or not, but at a certain point I want it to go some where or just end up being friends.

What kind of financial security do you expect this man to have?(Do you want him to be rich? Do you want him to make more money than you? Are you okay with a blue-collar worker?)

If they are happy, and love their job, I really don’t care how much they make or what they do. I understand this, because I love my future career path and I love writing and I understand that I won’t make a lot in teaching or writing but I love it the same, so if the guy I’m with is in love with his job I don’t care how much he is making.

Do you want man who wants kids and is family oriented?

Well, I’m not really thinking about kids at this point in my life. Shit, I’m not even thinking about marriage at this point. But I would prefer to date a man that would consider having children in the future.

Does he have to be religious/spiritual?

No, he does not at all. I’m a very spiritual person, more in the terms of the planet, and the stars, universe. But I’m not sure about a higher power belief. But you know I will support whatever they believe as long as they understand my beliefs and respect them. Also as long as they are not in some crazy cult…I just couldn’t handle that and you know what, now thinking about it, I’m surprised I haven’t dated a guy whose been in a crazy cult.

Do you mind if he’s a divorce or has kids?

I don’t mind if he’s divorced, umm I don’t think I can handle a man that has kids, because I’m 23 years old. I’m not ready to even have my own children.

Can you help a man build his dreams? Can you adapt to his plan?

Yes, I can help a man build his dreams, I’m really attracted guys with lots of potential and what to make something of themselves. Yeah I can adapt to a guys plans, I mean I think thats a hard question to ask, because I know it may be different with different situations and guys. Also the one thing I need and I really cannot adapt to is that I want to go back home to California, because thats where my career is. Thats extremely important to me and its crazy to think that I have been turned off by some guys purely because they said they want to move to the East coast or I have also been super turned onto a guy because he mentions he would love to move to California.

What do you expect of his family? (Should you get along with his mother? Do you care if he doesn’t get along with her? Or if his father was never around?)

I would hope I can get along with his mother, I mean I’ve only dealt with not getting along with a boyfriends parents once and I was really young and I don’t think I really did anything wrong, it seemed that they simply didn’t like me no matter what I did.

It doesn’t bother me at all if he doesn’t get along with his mother. I understand that everyone has different family situations and everyone has grown up differently, so I can fully understand if he doesn’t speak to his mother due to life situations.

What should he be willing to do to woo you? (Should he pursue you? Give you expensive gifts?)

Shit I want him to pursue me, to flirt with me, tell me I look good and in the terms that I’m beautiful (not that, oh your hot smoking shit) and come up to me when I’m sitting down working. Because I’m shy most the time but I will make a point to let a guy know I’m interested and you should ask me out or come up to me. I don’t need or want gifts. I just want to spend time with someone I like talking, go hiking, ride bikes, watching Tv, movies, stuff like that. I want to get to know someone and experience life.

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Filed under Dating, What do you want in a man