Category Archives: for fun

I’ll take this post with a side of bitter and a cup of pissed off

I did one of these awhile ago. I will admit these can be rather trivial, silly and a bit sexist in certain aspects but sometimes a girl just has to set a few rules and expectations.

For most of my young adult, which hasn’t been that long yet I have been silly with the qualities I’m looking for in a man, until recently when I was like, “UGH I”M SICK OF ALL THIS!” (I will purpose the sexist cliché idea that I am bitter and on my period right now.”

(These are blunt, honest and I’m not sorry)

  • No drugs. I’m over the pot smoking, ecstasy and lines of “nose candy” bullshit. You once smoked, fine I don’t care and understand I have a terrible addiction to Dr. Pepper and the TV Show Grey’s Anatomy. We will have our vices, but I’m over dealing with men that use substances to create art, to have fun or to basically get through the day.
  • Drinking too much. Look I’m a fun gal, I get drunk, I enjoy it, shit I write everyday and sometimes a glass of wine is needed. But hearing someone is drinking everyday, three beers a day. I’m sorry but its a turn off. I don’t need to get drunk twice a week. Shit barley once a month to have the craving of, “I wanna get wasted.”
  • Using the word “Ghetto.” I’m over it and done.
  • Not supporting my right of choice. Look if you don’t believe in it, fine that’s your freedom but don’t expect to date me.
  • Grammar correction. Over it. I get it you notice when people have spelling mistakes or grammar issues. You need to get a life and worry about your own language and the lack of quality within it.
  • A man who enjoys cooking, because I’m going to blunt and honest. I don’t cook and I don’t have the patience for it. So it would be lovely to date a man who enjoys cooking.
  • Has a car: for too long have a been the one in the relationship driving us everywhere
  • Who will pay for dinner. Look I’ll buy too but for too long have I been the sole provider of meals. Over it.
  • Dresses like their age.
  • No racist, sexist, homophobic comments
  • I hate “no homo”
  • Calling another women a bitch, slut, the over million derogatory  terms is not ok. If you think about other women like that then how should I expect you to picture me or women in my life.
  • Saying things about me like, too fat, too thin. I’m tired of the too much or the not enough.
  • If they are in love with an art form, oh gosh that be lovely. I haven’t date many artists. More the frat boys, the runners and a few choir boys.
  • I love when someone has future goals and aspirations but whats more attractive  is when someone actually achieves their dreams and goals. I’ve dated too many men that have spat on about “going back to school” “getting that place to live” blah blah blah Stop talking and go out and get what you want.
  • I hate,  I HATE when a guy asks me why all my poetry is so angry. Gosh that’s so rude.
  • Have a passion and love it to pieces
  • Don’t dislike the TV show Friends. Regardless if you’re a fan or not. It’s such a red flag when you have such a hate for it. What did the TV ever do to you? Oh that’s right you must not have a soul.
  • Turn off #1 when a guy says, “I hate books.”  I’m fine if you’re not a fan but if you can’t tell me one book you enjoyed reading, like Harry Potter even…then we have a problem!
  • When men post pictures of naked women on their Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr or anywhere! Ugh I hate it. Nasty.
  • Not having a career
  • Too much video game playing. I don’t mind the video game playing here and there but when that’s all you do…I’m sorry just not going to work for me.
  • They have their own set of friends and spend time with them. I think of it as a red flag when a guy really just goes to work, home and well that’s it. They have no one else in their life.
  • Talking down to me
  • Acting like you are Gods gift to art, ugh I know a few of these boys in my workshops *yuck*
  • When men use the phrase “ugh i hate academia” First of all if you’re using academia you are in academia. And whats wrong with the pursuit of education, but that’s going to be another post
  • Don’t tell me you’re not good enough for me, because I’ll realize, “hmm you’re right…see yea!”

Ok this is all I could think of and I’m not as bitter not that I have had wine and ice cream but I’ll think of more!

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Filed under Asshole, Confessions, Dating, for fun, List, single girl problems, What do you want in a man, WTF?

Pizza & Sex (Places you don’t want to get sauce in) Or do you…

“I love pizza so much, I would marry pizza, but it would just be an elaborate ploy to eat her whole family at the reception.” -Mike Birbiglia

Now that I’ve finished my chapbook I’ve given myself a few days of down time. Letting my mind rest and my body just lay down in bed or watching movies in the downstairs living room with a plate of cookies.

Since I’ve been “trying” to not work on my poetry I’ve been scanning the internet reading other blogs and articles. Tonight I came across a post Thought Catalog: 7 Types Of Pizza That Would Make Great Lovers If They Were People.” 

After reading the title I became extremely excited about reading a post not only having to do with food, but is resonate talking about having sex with me…clearly an article for their women’s reader-ship when the main picture of the post is of a woman holding onto her pizza lover. But once I began reading this article I realized how a funny little idea went in the wrong direction. (Maybe I’m far too passionate about my lovers and my pizza)

Their number one: DiGiorno Pizza

First of all they failed to mention DiGiorno Pizza Cheese Stuffed Crust. If we are going to be comparing great sex and pizza lets first start off with cheese in the crust. Second of all DiGiorno Pizza should never be compared as great sex or a “great lover” as this post likes to call sex. DiGiorno becomes the “stay at home boyfriend.” No, I had that boyfriend when I was twenty-one. The post then mentions that you don’t have to go outside to get this pizza. Umm no, you still have to go drag your hungry ass to the grocery store, with no bra on, single and too damn lazy to make a homemade pizza, so you make your way to the froze pizza section where you meet “DiGiorno” and you think this could work, it looks good, it’s friendly and I don’t have to work at all to get a bite. But at the end of the night you realize this pizza is not sweet on me, it’s not good in bed at all. It turns out it was just a romp through the field.

Lovability is not a 9.8/10 (No)

Their Number Two: Little Caesars HOT-N-Ready Pizza

The post seems unsure if Little Caesars is the relationship type or the booty call. Clearly they have never eaten Little Caesars because it’s not only the booty call pizza but the really drunk one night stand that you have and after you end up going to the clinic for an STD test. This shouldn’t even be the “quick fix.” Believe me I’ve had a bite of this pizza and it was a one time very very drunk hook-up that you wake up to thinking, “fuck I did that” and “time to go get tested.”

Lovability is not: $5/10 More like 0/10

Their number Three: $1 NY Pizza (Or cheap slices, $3 Maximum)

I’m not a hooker, they are not a Giglio and we are not strippers. Great sex is not based on the amount of value of money, unless you’re into that short of thing…But still that’s not a “great lover.” Plus the post claims, “You would hold on tight to this person and consider yourself lucky to have found an affordable, scrumptious significant other.”

No…

Lovability they gave A+/10 (seriously need to stop switching the scale…

Their number four: Papa John’s Pizza

Ok, I agree with this one the most and what the post has to say. Papa John’s Pizza is the equivalent  of the guy you date that after you break-up you see everywhere. But I disagree I can to resist biting into their hot pizza, it’s not worth the burnt mouth. They were an asshole, always going to be an ass hole and they are just acting like they care. So no I will not bite into them. I’ll find my own local pizza place that cares about my needs, my hunger and will give me a light spanking now and again.

Lovabilty is not a 8.9/10 (This rating they gave doesn’t make sense. If they’re the ex and burning your mouth why would you rate them so high?) Booo!

Their Number Five: Domino’s Pizza

I’m rather confused with this portion of the post, because they don’t really discuss the quality of pizza itself more the fact that Domino’s comes off as “thirsty” and the Pizza Tracker can be related to a boyfriend who constantly lets you know where they are at all times. (Which is not a healthy at all) Yet the post fails to mention how this pizza would make a “great lover.” When in the reality the post sets up Domino’s not as a great lover but a  clingy lover who you felt bad for because they tried really hard to win you over, so you give them a go in the sack. (Which will all know who that turns out).

Lovability they gave: 9.89/10 Ok maybe more an 8, but that’s because they are cute and sweet, but the sex….no  that’s nowhere near an 9 or 8. Sorry I’m not sorry.

Their Number Six: Pizza Hut

The describe Pizza Hut as, “Pizza Hut the person would obviously have a symmetrical face and a witty personality, glowing with a gorgeous aura that is borderline intimidating. If Pizza Hut was interested you’d certainly act because who can resist…”

I will agree with the first line I left out, that yes I knew Pizza Hut growing up and I was always excited to see one or hear I may end up with some pizza, but the fact is I was young and I just wanted some pizza. Then I grew up and realized what Pizza Hut really was. Full of coupons that don’t do shit, pizza that looks better in the picture and if I’m going to order pizza from a place I’m ordering from Domino’s (they have pasta bowls)

Lovability they gave: 9.1/10 (No….no way in hell)

Their Number Seven: A Pizza Buffet

Ok…poor pizza buffets. Plus this portions is just informing us lovely ladies that you shouldn’t jump from man to man or as they put it, “relationships.” Oh hell no….I want to try myself different types of pizza and I’m going to bite into has many slices as I want, when I want. Not necessarily all at one time and at one place but shit if I want a different kind of pizza by GOD I’M GOING TO GRAB IT AND EAT IT!

Lovability they gave: beginning &Middle: 9.8/10, Towards the end of relationship: -3/10

I really don’t what this one should be really rated but to me a variety means I’m going to find a good time and I thought this was what this post was really going to be about. The good times and the great sex moments via Good pizza.

Now I’m hungry for a real good time and a really good slice of pizza.

Both…at the same time….now.

1321081969705_4397886Did I just rant about pizza? Yes…yes I did.

 

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Filed under Causal, Dating, FOOD, for fun, funny, Pizza, Really Sally? SingleGirlProblems

This is Me, This is who I was born to become, I have always Become

I know there are no pictures of me up on my site and that is for privacy reason of planning of becoming a teacher and well lets be honest due to some of my subject matter its best if I keep my identity Anonymous on my blog. But I thought I would post a picture of my hair with snow flakes on it and add a little about me here, just for fun and to a new month, a new start and beginning.

Snow flake hair

  1. The first thing I did this morning was: Have sex
  2. My strength is: Myself, who i am
  3. My weakness is: I care too much about what people think about me
  4. Favorite Quotes: Hard to pick just one but I have the Resilience Gene, and that’s the gene that I hope will define me and everything I do for the rest of my life-Amy Cohen
  5. This weekend I’m going to: Drink, write, have a good time
  6. A TV character I’d most compare myself to is: Liz Lemon
  7. The most important quality in a potential mate is: Has a passion
  8. My guilty snack pleasure is: Oeros
  9. My first kiss was: by a fountain in California in my hometown
  10. Someone who always makes me laugh is: My brother
  11. I’m annoyed by: elitist people
  12. The last books I read was: I am Legend
  13. Favorite word: universe
  14. I cannot start my day without: writing
  15. My idol is: my books, authors, writers, poets, language
  16. If I was stuck on a deserted island, the one person I’d bring is: My best friend Valerie
  17. Favorite Band?: The Beatles
  18. Wish three wishes I’d ask for are: become a published writer, work at my dream job, and have a happy fulfilled life
  19. One word to describe me is: Resilience
  20. A surprising fact about me is: I have authority processing disorder

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Filed under about me, for fun, Life