Last night and tonight I have been celebrating getting published a second time (two poems) as well as winning American Poets prize at my college. So lots of drinks and one step closer to being done with my undergrad.
I’m not sure what I’m going to do after graduation. Sure I’ll be working back at my old high school as a speech coach. But damn I’m dying for the idea of MFA. Then I’m worried and nervous about the idea because everyone makes the idea so insane and difficult. I’m not sure if I’m meant for it. But deep down I’m craving for the idea of it.
We shall see.
Dating is well non-exist and I like it to be that.
This one younger guy in town likes me and has been speaking to me but he’s all over the place. Drinks a lot, doesn’t have friends, play video games and plays these weird ass games. He’s a mature person in moments and then a young immature child a lot of the time. I was thinking about having a quick roll in the hay but the more I think about it the more I’m like ehh. For example he likes to pull this stunt of, “well I won’t contact you until you talk to me first.”
And I’m like are we in middle school again? Plus I think its insulting to me as a person to feel the need to play games with me. Also he needs to learn to groom his beard too.
At this point these little things are just not ok anymore and I want more. I deserve more than games, pride and lack of maturity.
Each night as I’m falling in sleep I whisper in between the eyes no longer staying open and the breathing settling down I say aloud, “I’m falling in love with myself.”
I don’t want anymore and I’m very content. But I know this will not make a few people very happy that I feel this way but those who don’t understand are men I shouldn’t be with.
I’m so restless at the moment. I need to stretch, shake off the molting and expand my wings.