I’m stuck between a rock and fucking problem. I’m still not exactly sure if I know the whole story, or maybe I’m just lying to myself. No I’m sure I don’t know the whole story. Just the fragments, the pieces of what must be a much bigger and more complicated story/issue.
I met this guy about three weeks ago. Really nice, sweet guy, the conversations are easy and he’s a lot of what I’ve been looking for. And those negative qualities I’ve seen so far I’m willing to put up with. Now a week after meeting him, he told me he was “seeing someone.” Now problem number one “seeing one” can mean a bunch of different stuff for different people. Which really sucks because I’m pretty sure after Wednesday night over hearing the word “girlfriend” flying out his kind of tipsy mouth that there is more going on. Which prompted a very long drunk conversation outside, that I kind of remember and I kind of remember talking about poetry…goddamit Sally! Really? Of course drunk Sally starts talking about poetry and my ex’s and when I was cheated on, of course!
I’m so confused at the moment. Because this guy he not acting like I would assume he would. After large amounts of assholes and my fair share of watching my ex cheat I’m confused. Because I’ve met a huge chunk of his very good friends, we are friends on Facebook and well after Wednesday night he called to say sorry and talk to me. Maybe I’m just acting very stupid and very naive.
But this guy could just take off, get out of here, never talk to me again. Like every other guy has done to me. But he hasn’t and maybe he will eventually. But my gut tells me he’s a sincere guy, who does like me a lot. Maybe more than he should.
But I could never be the other woman. Never.
So I will talk to him soon. I will ask him whats going on and I will him what I kind of remember telling Wednesday night when we both were drunk. I will tell him what I have been too nervous to tell most guys. I want more than the hook-up, more than a back up and deserve more than that. I always have deserve more. And I don’t want to ever hurt another woman’s heart so I can have happiness.
I’m very sad and very heart-broken over this, because I know exactly how this is going to play out. He will say sorry, he will feel like shit and he go back to the life he was living. Because there is nothing romantic about leaving someone else for another.
It’s funny because I wonder if this so suppose to happen, I mean something like this situation was bound to happen. People being a part of monogamous relationships at my age seems less and less.
Last month I was thinking a lot about what happened with me. Last night I also told Valerie I don’t think I’m mad at the other woman anymore. To be honest I think I would have gotten over it/her a lot faster if it wasn’t for the fact that I knew her very well and that Thrilla took my car and well how I found out about it.
It was weird to be in these shoes. Different and I told Valerie I’m sad that Thrilla handle things the way they did. Because you know I do think they really loved each other and really were happy together. I wish he would have just broken things off right when things started to become than friends. I’m a bit sad for them in that sense. If only they would have handled it better.
I think they would be together… maybe be happy. And I would be much happier too and without some baggage. I suppose these are the lessons I needed to learn though and has fueled a lot of my soul. Without being cheated on i don’t think I would have ever moved on from Thrilla and I don’t know if I would have ever found poetry.
Makes you wonder doesn’t it.