Is losing a friendship worst then losing a relationship?

After my meeting this morning I had some spare time before my one Friday class this and  I could have slept a little bit, worked on a handout but clearly I went with option “C.” Which was to watch the new episode online of Grey’s Anatomy. Yes, I watch Grey’s Anatomy. It’s my guilty pleasure! (Along with  laundry list of other shit)

 Give yourself a moment to let that sink in and move on!

Now the last few episodes have continuing this side event about how Cristina and Meredith who have been best friends and each others “person” for years now, but due to a major rift their friendship has crumbled to pieces within minutes before our eyes, of course this is the magic of film/TV shows.

I know what you must be thinking to yourself, “Sally I don’t watch this show?why does this matter?” Well, it got me thinking about the drifting friendship between Tina and I.  I haven’t mention it much on here but I’m going through a similar situation.

We live five steps from each other and yet the most I’ve said to her this week was, “hey.”

I guess it all began in September, “the month of miscommunication” and “people not confronting enough.” Tina got a boyfriend and within a blink of an eye she was with him and I connceted at the hip with him.  It seemed ok at first. Still  I Valerie and I were worried. We knew Tina was looking for ” the relationship.” The one that’s going to last a long time and thats going to give her the love and treatment she deserves.

I’m not sure when everything happened. When we stopped really speaking to each other and she became a stranger in our house. I guess Tina got busy with work, which is understandable. Then she stopped hanging out with us downstairs, stopped texting us, stopped trying to make an effort.

Then came a series of issues:

  • Smelling smoke up stairs that was so strong, I could smell it with my door close. Then we confronted her about the smell that night. She blocked the view from her room and told us it was nothing. To the next day telling us it was just her candles. (We all know what candles smell like and what someone smoking smells like) Then she told us he had just came in from smoking. (We have all dated a smoker and no one man (unless you are Joe Camel) is going to stink up the whole second floor bedrooms and the attic bedroom.
  • She struggles confronting people. Which is fine because I struggle with this same problem, but I also know that sometimes you have to confront and talk about awkward situations. This is something I think she has yet to figure out. Because she has lost of a few good friends because of this.
  • She just stop speaking to my roommate Valerie, because she was scared to talk to her.
  • She just sits in her room now, sleeping or watching TV. We never see her, just when she leaves, comes home, lets her boyfriend in or picks up food.
  • She doesn’t help with cleaning the house
  • She’s made series of two jokes to me I wasn’t to happy about.
    • The first one being: when my other roommate was giving away condoms she didn’t need (she bought some for a joke thing but doesn’t have sex…blah blah any ways) Tina Found out I got some and she didn’t and she say’s to me, “You don’t need and haven’t had sex in months! Why should you have them, some of us are actually having sex.”

This one bugged me, because she knows why I’m not having sex. She’s seen me cry and become heart-broken. Especially giving someone so much of myself so fast and then they just bail on me. Plus I don’t think I have ever made her feel bad for not having sex. (Plus I have never once pointed out I probably had more sex last year in one month then she’s ever had in her life at this point.) So lets not start getting caddy with statements such as those. No need to pull out our vagina’s and see which one is bigger….ok that could mean so many things.

    • The night after my poetry feature I went out with a bunch of people and this one guy, that I’ve hooked up with before bought me a drink. He’s a very nice guy, chill and nothing happen at all that night. Then that weekend when Tina and all of us were walking she made a comment that basically stated she thought he may have stayed the night last night.

This one was a problem mainly because this hook-up and I never talk about our hook-ups. It’s like a good hook-up should be, “no connection.” I feel nothing more than sex and he feels the same and I would like it to stay that way. That includes it not being awkward or talking about it, but Tina decided to be snarky one day and bring it up. Even though we didn’t even hook-up that week and hadn’t since May!

    • Then came the loud sex noises during all hours of the night. Look I’m all for sex and I’m all for being loud. I mean I can get loud, but not every week all the time moaning. Plus Valerie doesn’t let me perform my poetry loud past 11pm and that’s love-making in its own right, so if I can’t be loud performing poetry downstairs, then to hell is anyone going to be having loud sex!
    • They also talk really loud. Especially  “him” he’s a loud talker. I dislike loud talkers when I’m trying to sleep or work on a paper.
    • Also I just don’t trust him. He was weird from the start and acted off and he’s kind of big on “Merica.” (Ugh that makes my lady parts swirl around.)
    • Last week she left her tea-cup out, well my tea-cup but she used it for tea and never washed it and left the tea bags in it. Then she went out-of-town and a week later I’m like, “Shit I’ll wash it, like I’ve done with so many dishes.”

(Ok, now I’m just being bitchy and pissed)

Now past all this anger, these pissed off feelings and mumbling under my breath, I really miss my best friend. I miss her even more knowing she’s probably not coming back and our friendship is over so quickly.

I’ve never been one of those girls who has ever planned out her wedding, never thought of a dress or color scheme, but I have always thought about the people I would want there and the ones I want next me on a day that’s so important to me. To lose a friendship where you imaged her there with you on that day, standing near you and celebrating with you, well it’s hard.

What’s even harder is to here about her shitty relationship. I’m sorry Tina, I know you can go on this blog and you may read this, even if you think about checking this blog anymore any ways. But I’ve heard you guys have broken up three times already. I’ve seen you walk around crying and like I’ve said Sam is loud and I can hear you guys talking as I’m sitting on my bed with the bed closed. He’s an asshole and a shitty relationship. I wish we hadn’t lost our friendship, because maybe you wouldn’t be with him if you had the support system you need.

I hope you read this. It’s the least I can do for you, is give you a wake up call and get the fuck out of dating someone you have only been dating for about two months and yet you guys have already broken up.

You’re losing your friends. I don’t just mean your house friendships. People talk, a lot of them talk and a lot of them feel the same way as I do. You have disappeared and left us all for a guy. You cut everyone off for a good time and I hope it’s worth it in the end. I hope one day you realize the choices you made.

I miss you.

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Filed under Friends, Hope, House, Life, thoughts

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