One Year

Thank goodness I don’t remember the extact date I found out my boyfriend of almost four years was cheating on me, but I do remember it was between the 14th-20th.

It’s been a year, I got through a year and probably one of the hardest and most beautiful years of my life thus far.

I feel like I’m an alcoholic or a drug addict celebrating my one year of sobriety. I guess they would maybe call it, “celibate.”

Of course I was naked for must of last fall and this spring with various men, so I was very far from being celibate….so far and so naked from being celibate.

This has been a tough year, lots of tears, for not only my ex who cheated on me but for other boys I thought were men, thought they could love me, thought they could fit into my life. And it just took me some time to realize that I was just too farer along in life then they were and they were too scared, too nervous to love someone like me.

I’ve had to learn to really love myself, love myself deep down into my own poetry and realize the moments I feel lonely, are the moments I am closests to my poetry.

I feel as though I am just randomly moving through my thoughts in this post but I don’t feel as though I have a chronically order for my feelings with this past week. Maybe beside feeling like I’m part of alcoholics anonymous I also feel like I lost my arm last year and its the one year anvery of the accident and I barley even notice my arm is even misisng anymore.

All I am left with is wondering if I have ever really been in love with someone. I’m starting to wonder if I ever was and now thats all I’m craving. I’m so hungry for love, for someone to lay down with and just kiss and smile with till the sunrise.

Dang….do I miss having a man wrap his arms around me.

Have I even had a man wrap his arms around me?

 

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Filed under Dating, Ex-boyfriends, Feeling Lost, Life, Love, sex, Struggles, thoughts

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