I’m afraid, trying to “cross over” into a new outlook on relantionships. I am terrified, becoming shy and nervous to let someone else into my heart and feelings.
Because what if I do and they just decide to float away, drift away and I then must learn to move on yet again. Growing tried of letting men into my heart and they just use me for the sex, the kisses, smiles around their necks.
Here I sit then, waiting for someone to walk into my life, worried it will never happen. Deciding if I should just cross the street and walk on that side of the concrete. I don’t want to be heart broken anymore. Too scared to feel my chest ache and my hair damp sticking to my face.
Confession #2: I don’t remember the last time I got to tell a man, “I love you.”
Too shy, too nervous, heart broken back zipper, stuck half way up. Want to be done with love, dating, men, the sex so badly at times. But this quotation stops me.
But still humans must try to love each other. We must get our hearts broken sometimes. This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something. -Elizabeth Gilbert
And writing helps, my poetry helps. It keeps my mind and heart busy and else where. Lets me express my pain and most importantly, my poetry reminds me that I don’t need a man. Because my art form, my beautiful words do more then anyone could ever give me. And with that I believe in soul mates. Because I have already found mine…”words.”
I will “Attraversiamo” cross over to my words, let them slide off my tongue and speak affirmations to myself out loud, “I will love someone again, he will be handsome, he will hold me tight and he will inspire me.”
So I will continue on then, I will choose to look for him.
Tomorrow I will again and the days to follow.