Its over, whatever you just call what I did with “asshole” for almost three months; its over. Now here comes the tricky part, what happened? Why? There is no answer and looks like there never will be. Which is disappointing to say the least, because I really thought this guy was one of the good ones.
Sitting here shocked like walking away from a car accident that no one understands. I walk away with only a few marks, a few scars but more filled with confusion, shocked and sad to lose someone I was hoping would become a close friend even if things never worked out for us.
I’ve deeply disappointed in him and not sure what I will do when I run into, or what he will do if he runs into me.
“It hurts to let go. Sometimes it seems the harder you try to hold on to something or someone the more it wants to get away. You feel like some kind of criminal for having felt, for having wanted. For having wanted to be wanted. It confuses you, because you think that your feelings were wrong and it makes you feel so small because it’s so hard to keep it inside when you let it out and it doesn’t coma back. You’re left so alone that you can’t explain. Damn, there’s nothing like that, is there? I’ve been there and you have too. You’re nodding your head.”
― Henry Rollins, The Portable Henry Rollins
So much for not feeling like a hook-up. So much for him saying I was more then sex.