Mr. Nose Candy

I finally cut off all communication with this guy.

There goes all the Great stories his given me for my blog and short stories, but it was time to cut that off. Once you get to the point where the only you message me is when your high or drunk, well that’s a problem.

The full background on the Ex-boyfriend that didn’t want to stay the ex:

So I met Mr. Nose candy in high school, on Facebook (I know, meeting someone over Facebook in high school, warning number one.) He knew a few of my friends who ran cross country from my high school and a few other high schools as well. We started talking through Facebook messages. I asked around to make sure this was a real guy, who was actually in high and was not some crazy serial killer. That checked out ok, I mean he did end up being crazy, but like normal crazy. So any ways we planned on meeting up at  a local mall, but my one friend Tammy was so freaked out about this whole idea she said she was going to come with me, because to hell that I was going to get kidnapped or murdered. (Thank you Tammy, I’m still alive today because of you, lol) So Tammy and I headed over to the food court to met him and there he was, he was pretty attractive, but I will never forget the moment when he got down from the chairs that were set up like a bar, both Tammy and I thought to ourselves, “woah he’s shorter then I thought he would be.” Now ok, he is taller then me, I’m 5 ‘2’ but shit, the way he looked in his pictures I thought he was taller.

We ended up dating for a bit, we dated for about four months I believe. And he ended up being my first time. This was half way through my junior year of high school, I was about 17 years old. It wasn’t anything amazing, but it wasn’t anything awful. It was just basically first time I had sex. I bet at the time, at the moment it meant a lot more to me then it does now and I do barley remember any of it, shit I barley remember anything from that relationship. But he was my first time, which is something I can’t forget. Which has always been the tricky thing about him, he will always be a part of my past, but definitely not apart of the best sex list. (Silver lining)

Around May (month 4) things started to change. There was this girl he always had feeling for. I thought more in the friendship terms, but I was defiantly wrong about that. He ended up breaking up with me towards the end of May, around the time of my birthday. (Ok I swear, my boyfriends love to break-up with me around holidays, I swear it happens each time, its like they all met up and made an agreement about this. It’s so bad that every holiday or celebration if I’m with someone I get all freaked out) But any ways he broke things off with me, told me he loved this girl, he was going to marry her, and no joke he said this to me and his friends a shit ton of times, she was his Jenny and he was her Forrest Gump. Yeah….What. The. Fuck. Really? hahaha No joke thats what he said to me.

Yeah he was really into movies, oh he always did this one thing, whenever he put Rocky in he would work out, because it got him all pumped and shit.

After this long, not so fun night of him breaking-up with me I got into my friends car and my two friends, “Cat” and “The guy with the cars” and we drove off. I still have a few images from this night, I remember Cat staying over with me that night, I remember the tennis courts, I remember the tree they were parked next to, and I remember the stars in the sky.

I found out a few weeks later by my friend and a guy I would end up dating, “The twin” that he had kissed her a few times before we broke up and also the day after we broke up they slept together, so my ex had moved on so fast. And at that age that hurt me deep down. I guess even today with my last break up it hurt to know he had already moved on, shit Thrilla was already dating someone else.

I ended up dating “the twin” who was a close friend of his, so Mr. nose Candy wanted to talk one night. I walked myself all the way Starbucks and sat there as he told me, no one will ever me, no one will ever want to marry me. I have only felt this way twice in my life time. With my ex nose candy and then about two months ago by a guy who needs to grow a thicker skin and grow up.

I felt so heart broken, because I believed both of them. Crazy who five years can pass and a different man can speak to me in that way and it still effects me in the same way.

That was the last time Mr. Nose Candy and I really spoke to each other. We had some on and off conversations through out the years but he really didn’t come back into my until the summer of 2011, when Vanilla Thrilla and I broke up for a few months. I ended up running into him twice; once at a bar I go to a lot in California and the second time when Tammy and I were walking down the downtown area, he just found us, how the fuck he did it, Tammy and I will never know. Creeper Alert. Then I went back to school and didn’t hear much of him at all, because I had gotten back together with my ex.

Then in August of 2012 after Thrilla and I broke up, Mr. Nose Candy, called my ass without even blinking. Shit he be on my ass like no other.

So he was texting me and Facebook messaging me. And one of my favorite moments ever with Mr. Nose Candy is one Sunday morning that explains everything about his name.

He send s me a text,

Mr. nose: How was your Saturday night?

Me: Good, went dancing and had a few drinks, you?

Mr. Nose: Oh good, did some nose candy and went dancing

I sat staring at my cell phone for about five minutes. Nose Candy…?

We all know what Nose candy is right? Its cocaine! I had to google that shit, I was pretty sure that’s what it was but I had to double check that shit, because shit….

But yeah it was defiantly Cocaine, he was definitely doing cocaine.

And lets remind everyone that I don’t mind if people do drugs, ok I mind when it comes to heroine, cocaine, meth and shit like that, but pot and cigarette and drinking, do what you want but don’t talk to me about pot, it’s not a turn on for me, but this was the major pick up line for Mr. Nose Candy, he would text me, “Hey whats up?” And I say, “Not much, you” And he send back, “oh you know smoking a bowl and eating grilled cheese,” umm thats not a way to get me all hot and bothered, so stop it.

And then three weeks ago is when it was time to shut down this guy. He messages me, first off he tells me he’s cross faded. He’s hitting on me, like bad, and starts calling me derogatory terms too, and then asks me if we are going to hook up when I get home. I say no, I’m not looking to be someones booty call, I want to date someone, then he says why not try that out with him. Yeah….He’s really asking me this. So after a really uncomfortable night of Facebook messages I know its time to cut this bullshit off. So I send him this:

So long Mr. nose candy.

I’m not going to miss your crazy hair dying phrases(thank god he didn’t do that when we dated) Your crazy runners tattoos, your strange love of super heros, your nose candy, your terrible pick up lines and the way you think you think your Forrest Gump. Dude get your head out of your ass and realize your not  that hot, smooth and your ok at sex.

Buh bye Mr. Nose Candy.


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Filed under Ex-boyfriends, FML, Life

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