Wednesday (A different feeling, a different day)

Happy 165th Birthday Bram Stoker! You were one badass mother fucker! Not many authors like you still around today. You are missed. 

Song of the day: I do by Colbie Caillat

Quotation of the day: At a certain point in your life, probably when too much of it has gone by… you will open your eyes and see yourself for who you are… especially for everything that made you so different from all the awful normals. And you will say to yourself… But I am this person. And in that statement, that correction, there will be a kind of love.-Phoebe in Wonderland

Movie of the day: Clue the Movie

After a long day of not sleepy, not eating till late and running around non stop I can now say I feel more like my old self. Ha, I know right? But I think I needed to stay up all day to cleanse myself. I’ve been feeling a bit down these past few weeks and I can now say that today was a better day. I’m finally back in the mood to write again and read all my wonderful books.

Also I feel more spiritual today. It’s been awhile since I’ve felt conncet with everything around me. I can finally breathe again.

I just love how music can move you so easily. It just flows with my heart and soul so easily. I’m listening to the soundtrack from “Finding Neverland” and my heart just seems to float on air. I love listening to music while I write. I remember one day in high school I was having a really bad day and I went into my choir class and sang this beautiful song, I intensely felt so much better. I felt this warmth surround me. Isn’t that amazing? To feel music flowing through your body and how it lifts up your soul so easily, it’s the best feeling in the world, next to love.

I don’t remember what love feels like. Ok I know I’m loved. My family loves me, my friends love me, I can feel the good loving energy of the universe surrounding me but I don’t remember what the love from a man feels like. I have forgotten. I can feel some past remnants from a long time ago but thats it. As a child I was fortunate enough to have loving, caring parents. The love I receive from my family is the reason I love so fiercely today as an adult. I love so openly and I do understand thats why I get hurt so deeply. It’s a weird feeling to example, the way I love. It feels like this song:Neverland. I miss love from a man. I haven’t felt that way in so long. I know I don’t need it but its something I’m well aware of and I do miss. Just loving that one person in your life that you were fortunae enough to meet. Then to love them so passiantly, loving so deeply, you almost forget where you are. I miss forgetting where my feet touch the ground.

I miss my job back home. (I work with high school kids) I really miss the kids I work with. I love them all to pieces. Its such a gift I was given, to work with these students, they are all so talented, loving, and see the best in each other. They all love so deeply and passinatly Many of them have been though so much pain in life, so many struggles, from family death, money problems, self image struggle. Yet there they are, changing the world in their own little way. They smile so widly and with conviction. I look up to my students so much. I cannot express enough how much these student have gotten me through in life and my struggles and pains without even knowing it. I could spend the day crying, but then when I show up to coach and they make me forget all about my pain, my sadness and they make me smile and laugh. I have always put aside my pain, my emotions when working with them, because they need someone to turn to.

I honeslty have so many astonishing teachers growing up. Now not all where great, but I did have the best teachers anyone could ever ask for. Thank you to those few teachers that have pushed me, understood my struggles and have made me a better person. And a speaical thank you to not only the best teacher any student could ever ask for but who is now my boss. Thank you for everything you have done for me. I have found my career, I have found where I belong. Thank you.

I had a dream two days ago. I was standing in front of this huge waterfall. I could hear the movement of the water and I could hear this song playing off somewhere in the distance. I then stepped into the waterfall and took a deep breathe. All the water flowed into my lungs and I began to cry. I then could see water shotting out from my finger tips, but the water coming out from my fingers was no longer blue but silver. And then this light flowed out through my finger tips, eyes and mouth. Then I woke up.

I’m head over heels, madly in love with books. I love just escaping into another world, reading about someone elses pain. I think thats the greatest gift books can give us. A way to see someone elses pain, to understand what someone else is going through. That’s such a gift in my opinion. Books are near and dear to my heart because as a kid I really struggled with reading, due to my Learning Disbitliy “APD” I remember in 1st grade I would always read only read this one seris of books called, “Cat and Dog.” Basically the whole book would read like this, “Cat and dog went up the hill, Cat and Dog love to dance.” Those were the only books I felt comfortable to read in 1st grade. Then around 7th grade I picked up a copy of Bram Storkers Dracula and just fell in love with reading. And then by senior year of high school I had some how tested in my reading compahesion level as a College Grad. student. Which of course for someone like me, someone who cannot hear the dfference between “your and you’re,” thats was a big deal.

Reading has given me so much, I couldn’t ask for anything more perfect then my books.


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